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The Kate Middleton addiction can be hazardous to England's wealth

Written by  // Wednesday, 06 February 2013 17:06 //

Kate-Middleton-habitKate Middleton has taken up a charitable cause.

Addiction.

Yes!  Now that she has suspended her shopping extravaganzas and is heading for yet another luxurious beach-and-private-villa vacation with her hubby and family in tow, St. James’s Palace announces that Kate will “visit” Hope House, an addiction center, on February 19th, after she returns.

Assuming that her rampant morning sickness is not too dreadfully disabling.

Wherever does she find the hour?

London’s Daily Mail says that a “source” close to William and Kate reveals that “their villa is the height of luxury and the perfect place to relax before the endless round of feeds and nappies begins.”  Does this mean that William and Kate will be actually doing “the endless round of feeds and nappies” themselves?

Exactly how will that work, with Kate’s shopping and decorating the royal palace apartments and private yoga lessons and hypnotherapy and all?  Will William still be flying about in his helicopter?  Maybe, since William’s mother-in-law Carole Middleton has recently proclaimed that she will play the role of royal nanny, this Mustique vacation is really for her.

Although the Daily Mail asserts that Kate (once she gets enough relaxation under her belt) will be going to the addiction center to cut a ribbon, receive a bouquet, and shake some hands, perhaps it is a way for Kate to receive some sound advice.

We don’t exactly expect her to stand up and proclaim, “My name is Kate Middleton, and I have a shopping addiction.”  Or “a Zara addiction.”  Or “a floppy plaid poncho addiction.”  Or “a plastic surgery addiction” (which may run in the Middleton family).  Or “an attention addiction.”  Or “a posh holiday addiction.”  Or “problems with separating from my parents” addiction.  Or even “an odd hat addiction.”

But that shouldn’t stop her from picking up a tip or two.

Or perhaps Kate’s standing in for a silent family member who should be getting treatment, but isn’t.  Perhaps for cocaine addiction, or lap dance addiction.  Might that be Kate’s maternal Uncle Gary?  Or perhaps it is for one of Gary’s girlfriends, such as Julie Ann Brown, a former sales clerk at an upscale auto showroom who pilfered almost half a million dollars.  A spending money addiction?  Or maybe it’s for brother James–a dressing-up addiction?  Or sister Pippa–a bad Eurotrash addiction?

The one thing that neither William nor Kate seem to suffer from is a reading addiction.  If they did, they might start learning how the people over whom they may one day reign perceive them. 

It’s time for someone at Buckingham Palace to wake up and have a quiet word.

Before the revolution would be as good a time as any.

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