What’s the London buzz?
It’s not a dainty little honeybee buzz, no sirree!
It’s a growly kind of primitive African bee buzz that stings and leaves no prisoners.
The London buzz is about whether Kate Middleton and Prince William used not just a surrogate mother to give birth, but whether Baby Prince George is even a proper product of Kate’s egg and Willie’s sperm.
The rumors are flying thick and fast!
One buzzy bee says that Kate was too anorexic to ovulate, let alone carry a fetus to term, and so Tamara, the sister of one of Prince William’s friends, Ben Fogle, stepped in to help. Tamara is a creative kind of person, famous in Britain for making handbags out of things like antique Hungarian grain bags and German flour sacks, accented by vegetable-tanned bridle leathers (and no, I don’t exactly know what that is, either, but it sounds very politically correct).
Ben Fogle, a person I’d never heard of before the buzz began, is most notable for being Prince William’s look-alike, from high forehead to oversized beaky schnozzola and a toothy kind of idiot’s grin, all sitting atop to a gangly-blond-haired kind of British surfer boy (except it’s too cold to surf) kind of charm. Ben is described in the British papers as a "television presenter" and an "adventurer" who does things like swimming the Atlantic Ocean in 100 days.
Hey, you can’t make this stuff up!
Only, I don’t think he’s left just yet.
The Fogles like to walk on the wild side.
Ben Fogle drew some attention to himself and his enormously pregnant sister by twittering things to his fans that Tamara was going to give birth in the same hospital, same ward, and just about the same time as their best-friend Kate Middleton.
What a coincidence!
Ben’s buzzing included twitty remarks like referring to Tamara’s baby as "the other baby," and noting the amazing coincidences:"Like buses.. You wait for ages and then two come along at the same time......#theotherbaby."
But the real buzzing started when Kate Middleton and Prince William appeared with baby George all bundled up like a pappoose and then William making remarks like, "Oh, we’ve only just now met him" even though supposedly they’d spent days all together, "en famille" following George’s alleged birth. Kate, too, appeared to still be wearing her biggest, round-belly pregnancy prosthesis even as she traipsed down the hospital steps wearing high-heeled wedgies and a clinging, slinky polka dot dress that outlined a belly that looked even larger than the one she was wearing when she first arrived–which is usually not how first-time mothers leave the maternity ward. To put not too delicate a spin on it, most mothers who’ve undergone a natural childbirth don’t wear anything clingy, aren’t skipping and bouncing, and don’t necessarily say things like "Oh, no, no, no, oh, no, nononononononononono" and shake their heads when their husband says that the baby has obviously inherited the mother’s good looks, as did William.
Honestly, most authentic moms are trying to keep their hospital triple-X-sized maxi pads in place, and are not wearing slinky anythings. And most authentic moms also would avoid wearing anything tight that would snugly hug their deflating, slightly flaccid bellies.
So much about how William and the woman they still call "Waity" just looked....off.
But if you side with the "Birth Truthers" who believe that Kate used a surrogate mother, then you’d understand that, frankly, Kate had no other way of getting that pesky pregnancy prosthesis out of the hospital other than, well, wearing it herself.
Yup. I mean, Carole couldn’t very well be seen carrying an extra-large size triple X tote bag out of the hospital, could she?
Then, how to explain that Kate and William rushed off to Bucklebury and then, when some vocal Brits began complaining about the taxpayers’ security costs, then fled to Anglesey? How to explain Kate Middleton’s WaitRose shopping trip where she stocked up on bottles of wine?
I mean, is that so good for the baby?
Then, Kate and William reportedly took little George NOT to visit Prince Philip, husband of Queen Elizabeth, who was too ill to see his alleged great grandson initially, but instead, Kate and William popped little George into a helicopter, and flew over to visit the late Princes Diana’s relatives.
I mean, helicopters are LOUD–as in NOISY! I know that for a fact, having taken one to the Grand Canyon a while back. Grownups can drown out the clatter with oversized headphones, but what does a little tiny baby do?
Probably infant George just screamed himself into a dull stupor. That’s what I did–all the way over the Hoover Dam and back.
Would real parents do such a thing, internet buzzers are wondering?
The buzzing only got louder when Tamara put a photo of "her" baby–"#theotherbaby"–on the internet, and her tyke is, well, he is also a boy, and is the spitting image of his twin brother. Uhm, I mean, Prince George.
So this is the rumor that won’t go away: That William and Kate used a surrogate mother who was likely implanted with twin embryos, or at least fraternal embryos, and when she delivered, she handed over the heir to Kate and William, and kept the "spare" for herself.
What a story!
Is it true?
Only DNA will tell for sure. But it is a buzzy piece of baby blabbering, that is for sure.
And if the egg is not royal, one wonders what else may not be.
Does Prince William, uhm, shoot blanks? Or are there just problems with lining things up? Or what?
What would it mean for the line of succession if the buzz is true?
Oh, Gracious Queen, say it isn’t so!
But Queen E is off to Scotland, and is not saying a word.
Meanwhile, the buzz won’t go away. British buzz now says that Kate and Prince William want to have "two more children right away."
Will another nurse have to die? Will Tamara be dragged away from her life’s work of turning feed bags into luxury handbags for more royal fertility duty?
Only the Birth Truthers know for sure!