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Will Bunga Bunga duo, Kate Middleton and Willy Rub Maori’s Nose out of Joint?

Written by  // Wednesday, 05 March 2014 09:32 //

hongiThe Maori King does not care that Kate Middleton and Prince William danced around last week in a London nightclub called "Bunga Bunga."
When you have as much mana, otherwise known as "sex energy," as the Maori King, who needs "Bunga Bunga?"
Besides, "Bunga Bunga" is an Australian thing– supposedly the Aborigines’ name for a place in eastern Australia by a lake. Or it might relate to the Bundjalung peoples who controlled the Australian northern coastal areas.
I mean, "Bundja Bundja" sure sounds like "Bunga Bunga," doesn’t it?


Kinda.
Sorta.
Or close enough.
So anyway, it’s a typically twittish thing to be just a few weeks away from heading off to a very costly royal tour of Australia and making sure that, right before you go, you do something many will find inherently offensive by going to a nightclub the name of which invokes a kind of racist imperialism.
Like going to a London nightclub called "Bunga Bunga."
What’s wrong with having a nice dinner at Claridges instead?
Because the Australian Aborigines were conquered by the British, who then populated Australia with all their prisoners and social outriders, Australia became a great nation where most people are now Caucasian and speak a variety of English, and the words "Bunga Bunga" then entered the mainstream English language to describe, uhm, well, all kinds of various things including that of nativism and noble savage talk which was later wrongly imputed as African tribal lingo like we grew up with in Tarzan movies when we weren’t watching Godzilla and Rodan destroy Tokyo for the tenth time.
In these movies, things would happen like a volcano erupting in the heart of what we assumed was Africa, and Africans in various grass skirts would shake their spears furiously and shout, "Bunga Bunga!"
Kinda.
Sorta..
Or close enough.
So anyway, last week it was big news that Prince William and Kate Middleton went to a rich-kids’ birthday party at the "Bunga Bunga" nightclub. There, Kate was spotted wearing a nice black leather coat and looking quite skinny, with her hair all flouncing around which, for Kate, is a situation normal. How many times Kate opened her gaping maw to catch flies or give us one of those "Look at ALL my teeth!" smiles, we don’t know yet. But just as we were reeling from that bit of information about William and Kate’s Bunga Bungaing about, another news flash struck!
That’s the part where the Maori King comes in.
The Maori King lives in New Zealand, which is not so far from Australia.
But unlike the Australian Aborigines, whose origins in Australia go back something like 60,000 years, the Maoris’ heritage is Polynesian, and their ancestors arrived sometimes between 2500 B.C. and 3000 B.C.. They lived in isolation for several centuries and developed their own indigenous language, arts, agriculture, and a warrior culture which served them really well right up until the English, not content with taking over Bunga Bunga land, arrived (well, seriously arrived to stay, and not just to map the coast again). Before the 1840s, most Englishmen heading to New Zealand were convicts trying to escape whatever was going on in Australia.
Maybe that’s how the Bunga Bunga thing got going.
Kinda.
Sorta.
Or close enough.
But the Polynesians were a lot different from the Australian Aborigines. Initially, Queen Victoria sent her representative over to offer the Maori the chance to become British subjects, keep their lands, and keep their tribal identities. The Maori agreed, but then, almost immediately, Australian convicts and just plain old enterprisers started grabbing Maori lands and doing things like taxing their wagon wheels and taxing their dogs. Yes, their poochy pooches! In resistance to this taxation without representation, the Maori reacted by starting some small, violent outbursts; but mostly, the Maori became politically involved and started doing things like running for Parliament and demanding their lands back.
Since then, things have been sensitive and sometimes sore between the Maori, descendants of Queen Victoria, and British people in general.
Kinda.
Sorta.
Or close enough.
Which is why, when Prince William and Kate Middleton informed current Maori royalty that Willy and Waity were able to spend a whopping 90 minutes visiting the land that Bunga Bunga never came to, the current Maori King folded his arms and said that 90 minutes was ridiculously short, and the magic royal couple should spend their time elsewhere.
Like in Bunga Bunga land.
Kinda.
Sorta.
Or close enough.
Tuheita Paki, son of the former Maori Queen Dame Te Alairangikaahu, became king in 2006, and he didn’t think that 90 minutes was a serious amount of time for monarchs to greet each other.
Especially because, well, because Prince William and Kate aren’t monarchs. Yet.
Some people think that they are barely royalty.
Kinda.
Sorta.
Or close enough.
Kate Middleton just looks like a walking, talking toothy royal hairpiece of some kind– a brunette wig of snaky hair coils blowing in the wind, animated by a pair of skinny legs and high heels that might well be motorized, moving "Plastic Kate" about like a bony, flesh-colored robot. She’s the wife of an heir to the presumed heir of the current British monarch, but neither she nor her husband are monarchs themselves.
And more politically important, the biggest reason that there is a Maori King to contend with is because British Queen (and Empress) Victoria ignored the Maori and failed to honor the deal her representative struck with them. The Maoris then decided that they could be their own monarchs.
And whatever you might think about King Tuheita Paki, he was elected king, fair and square.
Now, what British monarch can currently claim the same?
Could Willie and Waity win if an election was held tomorrow?
Anyway, back in 1954, Queen Elizabeth and her consort, the Duke of Edinburgh, were on a Commonwealth Tour and spent a whopping 17 minutes visiting the then-Maori King in New Zealand, which was a whole lot longer than the 3 minutes originally fitted into the schedule. So a 90 minute visit seems exceptionally lengthy.
Kinda.
Sorta.
But not if you backtrack just a bit.
In 1983, Prince Charles and the adored Princess Diana toured New Zealand for two weeks. They sat patiently for photographs with the international press while their son, the then-infant Prince William, crawled about on a blanket and stood up, with his mother’s help. An angelic Diana rubbed noses–the Maori tribal greeting with dignitaries. Charles looked relaxed and happy for once. All seemed incredibly well.
Kinda.
Sorta.
Anyway, the Dianic New Zealand good times were not to last. In 2000, when Queen Elizabeth visited, a very agitated Maori woman whacked at the Queen with a T-shirt while other Maoris heckled Her Majesty. Five years later, as part of a treaty settlement for taking Maori lands without compensation, New Zealand Maoris demanded that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth formally apologize to them. Although she declined to publicly grovel for the evils of earlier colonialism, a compromise was worked out where Queen Elizabeth herself signed a Formal Assent to a New Zealand bill that contained the written apology in it.
So, is all now well between the Maori nation and the House of Windsor?
Kinda.
Sorta.
In 2011, prior to his wedding to Kate Middleton, Prince William visited Christchurch, New Zealand, to raise the spirits of earthquake survivors there. Tribal Maori political royalty turned out and offered William the Maori nose-rubbing "hongi" greeting, but there was no denying the pain in the eyes of the Maori who met with the man who’d now grown up and was walking about New Zealand without his mother Diana’s help. The Maori seemed to realize that they were and are a group whose very cultural and even genetic identity means not only demanding a separation from the British Crown, but also being cautious about being identified as a brown-skinned colonial prop for the fledgling Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.
Are the Maori royals just brown-skinned props for Prince William and Kate Middleton?
Kinda.
Sorta.
Here come the great white British god and goddess, sporting suits and ties and dresses that rise up and flop overhead, showing pantyhose and underwear and lady parts.
Is 90 minutes not enough for a good "hongi" photo op anymore?
Think, for just a moment, of what the "hongi" is to the Maori. It is not really "nose rubbing." Rather, it is an expression of the closest kind of social public intimacy where two persons touch their noses together and then breathe in, from each other, one another’s very breath.
The "hongi" is not a photo-op. It is about sharing one’s very life force.
Does the Maori King no longer want to be just giving out his life force willy-nilly to Waity and Wills?
The British prince and the woman he married should find out what the Maori King wants, and figure out how to accommodate him.  
Is it important?
Well, the royal pit-stop might not be as long or as important, as say--a Mustique-beach-shindigy like a recent royal vacation.
If anything, a honga-filled jaunt surely would enable the royal families to rub noses rather than rub each other the wrong way for a year, a decade or perhaps, a few centuries.
I betcha the Middletons spent more than 90 minutes doing a Bunga Bunga last week.
So, can Waity and Willy spend a few more hongi moments with a King without their hosts’ nose getting out of joint?
Kinda.
Sorta.  
At least more time so they can all be close enough.

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