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Tuesday, 06 May 2014 08:35
Kate Middleton, Prince George: Pulling hair over our eyes?
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kate-hospitalWhat’s in Australia’s water?

Or in New Zealand’s water?

 Whatever is in those magic waters, on the latest royal tour of Prince William and Kate Middleton, it turned Baby Boy Prince George’s brown hair blond, and his brown eyes blue! Or green, depending upon which magazine you are looking at.

Yup. It’s true.

Even George’s eyebrows did a quick-change act.

Two times.

Baby Boy Prince George arrived in New Zealand a definite brunette, with big dark brown eyes like Julia Roberts’s. But he left looking blond and blue-eyed as a Lebensborn baby! 

What happened?

Did the new Italian royal nanny get all ginned up one evening and decide to gave a little fun by giving little George a Nordic dye job?

That would explain the "OK Magazine" pics that show a suddenly blond baby

But the "knackered nanny" theory doesn’t explain how Baby Georgie then morphed into a strawberry blond baby on the cover of "US Magazine."

We did notice that Kate Middleton’s hair also became somewhat redder and streakier as the royal tour progressed.

Perhaps it’s all part of a program to help the new heirs of the heir, Prince Charles, look more...well, not to look more like the late Princess Diana, because that is just impossible, frankly.

But to look more... English, in the way that Princess Diana did.

Fairer, if not completely fair.

Yes.

Lighter rather than darker.

Blue-eyed rather than brown-eyed.

Or even a transformation to a more ancient, truly Celtic, green eye-color.

Diana’s enormous sapphire-blue eyes will not long be forgotten, although she was not a genuine blond herself. Fashionista Tina Brown, in the first huge hatchet-job on Princess Diana that anyone had dared put into writing, (let alone publish under their real ), wrote an article published in Vanity Fair, "The Mouse That Roared," calling Diana’s blond mop "a frosted bearskin hairdo." Brown had earlier put into print that Diana was allegedly the first member of the royal family to conspicuously dye their hair (as an adult).

Talk about mean!

We loved all Diana’s hair color incarnations–even those Marilyn Monroe-Jean Harlow platinum rinses last seen on our Grandmothers, who used them so much that they sometimes accidentally turned their own hair blue. On Diana, they looked...well, they looked simply glamorous. Platinum blond hair rinses made Diana look as though she was spinning moon beams from her bejewelled brow. They made her look born to wear tiaras every day.

But even Tina Brown’s kitty-catty chatter wasn’t quite true. Diana came from a family of redheads; and childhood photos of Diana show her to have a kind of mousy-dark-blond hair color that seems to have been completely natural, albeit brownish. The public was told early on that Diana "highlighted" her hair, and "dyed" her eyelashes.

Okay! We believed! And that was back when I had no idea that eyelashes could even be dyed! Being a natural mousy-dark blond with disappearing eyelashes, I went immediately to my salon and got my hair "highlighted" and my eyelashes "dyed."

And Diana was hardly the "first" dye-job royal. Prince Charles’s sister, Princess Anne, almost certainly dyed her hair as an adult, at least for a time when she married Captain Mark Phillips, seemed to be in love (whatever "in love" means), and seemed to care about her appearance

Not like now, where Anne, now homely and sometimes a bit deranged-looking (although she is anything but), has been lauded for her "sensible" and "no-nonsense" appearance.

Call it "bag lady chic."

One thing I’ll say for Princess Anne, though–she knows how to handle her handbag

No teensy clutch-bag crotch-pressings for her!

Where does Prince William get his current blond hair from, or what passes for his hair now that he is a balding middle-ager?

Prince Charles, William’s presumed father, had always been a dark-haired baby who turned into a dark-haired child and then grew into a dark-haired man. But Charles’s sister, Anne, had positively platinum-blond hair as a baby and well into her teenage years, when suddenly it seemed to all go a bit dark. And then lighter, and then dark again.

Interestingly, the same thing was true of Queen Elizabeth II herself. Born a definite brunette to two parents who were definite brunettes, [], Queen Elizabeth changed from a brunette baby to a Lebensborn-blond toddler, almost uber nacht! 

I mean, overnight.

Yes!

What gives with that?

Were these royal children’s hair bleached blond so as to make them look more angelic, more Lebensborn, or perhaps just more... English, than the dark, Teutonic brunette blond-gene-overriders that were now sitting on the British throne?

And Elizabeth’s younger sister, the very brunette Princess Margaret, was no escapee from the elusive now-you-see-it, now-you-don’t evasive blond Windsor gene.

The allegedly blond gene that appears, and then disappears into...darkness.

A brunette baby, Princess Margaret was momentarily transformed into an Aryan child in her toddler years

Is it a royal custom to dye babies’ hair blond?

Some genuinely Lebensborn-blond genes may have entered the Royal Family recently when Queen Elizabeth married her cousin, Prince Philip, who seems to have been a genuine tow-headed child who actually grew into a blond-haired adult, whose hair color appears to not have changed through any artificial intervention.

So, we’re not saying that the blond genes aren’t in there, somewhere, for Baby Boy George.

We’re not.

Not us.

Even Princess Anne’s two children appear to have been blonds, despite brunette parents. Of course, we are discounting those pesky but persistent rumors that Zara is the offspring of a liaison between Princess Anne and one of her protection officers.

But in his christening photos, and in those fresh-off-the-plane snaps in New Zealand, when Kate’s bright red Virgin Atlantic stewardess costume skirt when flying up over her waist and showing us those nether regions again, Baby Boy George, whom she gripped at her side, seemed to be a true brunette, with dark brown eyes.

Have these changed? Was Baby Boy George Lebensbornized while in Australia or New Zealand? Were photos of George photoshopped? Colorized? Tinkered with?

If so, why?

If not, then what accounts for George’s noticeable transformation?

Someone knows for sure.

Oddly, as if all the Middletons weren’t dark and sultry enough all by themselves, never-heard-before rumors that Prince William carried "Indian blood" from a dark-eyed, dark-haired, and even dark-skinned sultry subcontinent ancestress began cropping up on the internet just before Baby Boy George’s dramatic physical transformation. Sadly, all traces of these exotic ancestry claims have now been swept off the internet, relegated to chat rooms where chatters have been forced to assume new alter-egos in order to keep posting their queries about how Baby Boy George’s brown eyes turned suddenly blue. Or green.

Lebensbornized? If so, why?

Someone knows for sure!

Meanwhile, let’s blame it on the water.

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