Was one week of actual royal workingness and recycling of designer outfits so exhausting that a secret trip to Mustique is happening now?
Or maybe they are flying around in their new $13.5 million dollar helicopter.
Or maybe they are out inspecting the $8 million dollar "refurbishment" of their Kensington Palace "apartment." Yup. For a measly old $8 million dollars, William and Kate are getting.... a new roof, some updated electrical work, and some new plumbing.
Okay. And that costs....$8 million dollars?
But it’s with asbestos removal, we are told.
Okay. And that costs....$8 million dollars?
Imagine what you and I and people like us could do with $8 million dollars.
That seems like rather an awful lot to ask the British taxpayers for, considering that this is a private "apartment" that they can’t even walk through and gawk at. I mean, if I were British, I might be willing to pay $8 million dollars if I could, say, visit between the months of March and October, and perhaps even sit in the newly refurbished kitchen and have a cuppa with members of Her Majesty’s Secret Service and hope for a brief sighting of a royal personage.
If Kate regularly bares her booty on the roof, like Princess Diana sometimes did, well....
The paparazzi photos of that alone would likely be worth $8 million or more.
So if William and Kate need $8 million dollars, opening their home to some minimally intrusive tourism is my suggestion.
And there’s always posing for pay-per-view booty pics!
If this doesn’t work, well...since William and Kate are always telling us how they are so "normal" and just want to live a "normal" life, why don’t they do what "normal" people do (and have to do) when they attempt a house "refurbishment" and...and...and…
Go to the Bank.
And by "bank," I do not mean the taxpayer bank, or the mommy and daddy bank (which appears to be Prince Charles, who has his own taxpayer bank issues). And while Carole and Michael Middleton are certainly not shy about purchasing impressive properties for themselves, and we have all heard about how allegedly successful their "Party Pieces" business is, it’s unclear whether they have $8 million dollars to spare. So we aren’t talking about a Middleton loan.
No. By "bank," I mean, uhm, a financial institution of some kind that is licensed by the powers that be in the United Kingdom to lend money at a legal rate of interest to people interested in receiving that money to "refurbish" their apartments. Or homes. Or condos. Whatever.
I mean, new roofs start at something like $20,000.00, and go up from there.
But not up to $8 million!
Same thing for new plumbing and electric, too.
Just ask Joey and Carlos and Davey and Louie.
Joey and Carlos and Davey and Louie are the four guys who recently "refurbished" the large Victorian mini mansion down the road from me with a new roof, re-pointed brick exterior, updated plumbing and electric, tented for termite extermination, new interior sheetrocking throughout, custom thermalized windows, modernized kitchen and appliances, newly poured drives and walkways, and fancy walk-in closets for a fraction of that, including asbestos removal.
Okay. And that costs a lot, but a lot less than even $1 million dollars.
A lot less.
The whole house just sold as "refurbished" for just under $1 million dollars.
Fee simple, and a nice patio is included.
If their "refurbishers" are charging Buckingham Palace $8 million dollars for work that does not normally cost even a fraction of that, it sounds like Buckingham Palace is getting ripped off!
Or is it Buckingham Palace? Tell us again, exactly who is paying for this?
The British taxpayers?
The folks who bought the "refurbished" Victorian mini mansion are paying for it themselves. They have taken up no collections from the neighbors. And since one of the owners is a physician working in a nearby hospital, I am pretty sure that they are paying for it themselves.
What are Kate and William paying for?
What can they truly pay for?
Art history major and geography major.
Note that I am not saying, "Art Historian and Geographer."
Those are real occupations involving additional studies and even licensing.
And William is a nearsighted helicopter pilot.
Professional helicopter pilots make good money, I am told.
But can they afford an $8 million "refurbishment?"
Buckingham Palace has announced that William and Kate "paid privately" for their "internal furnishings." Things like furniture, rugs, bed sheets, bath towels, and at least one big screen television. Things that they can take with them whenever they decide that they’ve had enough of all the pressing demands of royal life being thrust upon them, and they move to their other mini mansion in Mustique.
Oh, don’t get out your handkerchiefs over this!
Is it asking too much for any couple, royal or not, being gifted with a rent-free mansion to supply their own furniture?
When Norway’s Crown Prince Haakon provoked controversy a while back by falling in love with Mette-Marit, ex-girlfriend of a notorious drug dealer, the public was askance until they heard stories about the then-oh-so-eligible and single Haakon living modestly in a small apartment with Mette-Marit and her young illegitimate son. The story goes that Haakon, who could have shopped anywhere and bought anything, joyfully and deliberately shopped at Ikea, the Scandinavian iconic assemble-it-yourself furniture store, and actually assembled these furnishing himself.
I can never quite figure out those tiny screwdriver thingies their furniture comes with!
But that is what my mechanically-minded brother and teenaged son are good for, when they are not teaching me how to use my phone.
And if you are paying $8 million for apartment "refurbishment," I betcha guys like Joey and Carlos and Davey and Louie will help you with those tiny screwdriver thingy and put together all that Ikea furniture– no extra charge!
Well, maybe if you throw in an extra million....
It sounds like the Royal Family is getting ripped off.
Oh, wait. It’s not the Royal Family who’s paying, is it?
It’s...the British taxpayers.
Do you think that Prince William and Kate will kick in a million dollars or two?
I’d ask them, but they can’t hear me over the $12 million helicopter buzz.