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Naked Prince Harry has sex with Vegas window, but not like an orgy
Written by  // Sunday, 02 September 2012 12:39 //

harry-dianaThe sultry, buxom eyewitness at British Prince Harry’s Vegas bash makes it official: "It was not like an orgy [was] going on."

And that is technically true, because a bona fide requirement for an orgy is sex. A feminist rape expert might term it "any act of penetration, no matter how slight," or perhaps a more Bill Clintonesque definition of what a sexual act is (and maybe it really does depend upon what your definition of "is" is). Generally, sex, open and notorious and for all to see and even participate in, is what makes an orgy different from, say, a raucous cocktail party where guests become a bit over-exuberant and jump into the swimming pool with all their clothes on (and keep them on, but they are wet and frolic all the same).

 

 

But 32 year-old Carrie Reichert, blond and full-boobed and looking a bit fatigued around the eyes has declared that when Harry met Carrie at the Encore at Wynne Hotel, no orgasm occurred when she stripped down to her tong string bikini and they leapt into the prince’s bed at the infamous VIP suite. "We kissed for 15 to 20 minutes," Carrie claims. "We kissed again and he said, ‘That was great.’"

But no sex.

No sex, please–we’re British. And we’re busy getting naked, playing billiards and air guitar, while wondering whether we might be cousins. Carrie, a San Diego beautician, mentioned to Harry that she’d been born in England while her father had been stationed there by the U.S. Army. She says, "‘Right away he was like, ‘Oh my gosh, that’s amazing! I can’t believe you’re here in Vegas, we could be related!’"

While such a pickup line usually might have more of an exciting effect in the Ozarks or Appalachians, one must remember that Prince Harry’s grandmother and grandfather are actually cousins, and that cousin marriage was not only de rigeur but almost required for all British royal marriages only half a century ago. In fact, the term of endearment for royal families all over the world is "dear cousin." So, if Carrie were only a wee bit younger and less tired-looking and truly a cousin of royal blood, she might have found herself in the running for the long walk down Westminster Abbey with the spare Windsor heir.

But would Harry’s royal bride be part of a traditional husband-wife couple, or part of Harry’s aristocratic entourage? As his late mother, Princess Diana noted of her own marriage to Prince Charles and of his long-standing love affair with Camilla Parker-Bowles (now Charles’ wife and the Duchess of Cornwall), "There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded." And while that may be awkward for a marriage, three is the minimum for a real orgy. And Carrie claims that Harry’s Vegas bedroom also became "a bit crowded" even while the beautician and the spare heir to the British throne cuddled and cued and pondered whether they were joined by blood. Carrie is "sure" that, while they smooched in bed, "somebody stumbled in as there were people going in and out of rooms [in Harry’s hotel suite] all the time."

But no orgy, Carrie assures us. Just scores of naked people wandering about. Randomly about. "Randomly" is a word Carrie uses a lot to describe her union with the third-in-line to the British throne: Harry "would just randomly walk up to you and hug you. He was just really friendly and there were just really random naked hugs. It was funny." She adds: "Girls were getting naked, he was screaming out, ‘Everybody get naked!’ Just randomly doing crazy stuff."

But no sex.

At least, no sex with women. Prince Harry may have had sex with a window. Carrie says that Harry pressed his freckled naked body and dingly parts "up against a huge window" on the 63rd floor suite and cried out, "Look at me Vegas!" to the sin-city neon-drenched strip far below.

"I was born in England and I'm pretty familiar with the royal family," Carrie mused to reporters after Prince Harry’s freckled torso was publicly revealed, "but I didn’t know the guys he was with."

The British press, however, does. Two such "guys" were likely 25 year-old Tom Inskip ("Skippy" to his confidants) and 30 year-old Adam Bidwell. Skippy, described as a "banker," is the son of the Beaufort Hunt field master who set up all those fox hunts for Charles and Camilla before fox hunting in Britain became outlawed by animal rights activists. The Beaufort Hunt claims that it continues to hunt "within the law," which most likely means that packs of beagles are no longer allowed to tear their prey, the small red fox, into furry, unrecognizable pieces once cornered by packs of red-faced aristocrats on horseback. What actually happens to the little red fox under the new laws designed to protect it is never mentioned. Meanwhile, when he’s not busy pointing the galloping, blood-lusted aristocrats in the fox’s direction, Skippy’s father, a friend of Prince Charles, is said to have made a small fortune in property "management," which seems like a lot to accumulate if all you do is collect the rent and make repairs, but in England, when you do this for the Royals, it’s all so different.

Skippy attended Eton (that’s a high school) with Harry, and then to Bristol University, as did rugby player Adam Bidwell, whose father (known as the White Sultan) allegedly made his billions the old-fashioned way, by arms dealing and aiding Omani coups d’etats. Bidwell, despite his plebian surname, descends from a royal house himself through his mother, the Austro-Hungarian Princess Katalina Esterhazy de Galantha (say that fast three times, I dare you). Skippy and Bidwell are both bachelor boys and Prince Harry’s frequent travel companions. Skippy was photographed with his arm around Harry in a Vegas hot tub pre-Carrie, and Bidwell ran an infamous series of tweets on a pre-Vegas trip to Necker Island with Prince Harry in which Bidwell photographed not only the supposed contents of his vacation suitcase (Flip flops? Check. Purple bong? Check. Nitrous oxide face mask? Check. Storm Trooper costume? Check.), but also a photo of someone looking like Harry dressed in Harry’s bathing suit appearing to be passed out on a Virgin Island beach with the caption, "The perfect start." A year ago, Skippy and Harry took a drunken jump together into a swimming pool in Hvar, an island of the Croatian coast where they were vacationing together. Six months ago, they bunked together at Verbier, a fancy Swiss ski resort, where they entertained themselves by throwing icy snowballs at passersby from their private balcony. A short while ago, Skippy posted Facebook photographs of himself stark naked, driving a sportscar in California.

Who are these wealthy, frisky bachelors?

Who allows them to be with Prince Harry?

Add it up–sex but no sex, just kissing, rubbing one’s naked body against a large window, lots of booze and rumors of drugs, random nakedness, random groping, jaunts where women come and go but the bachelor boys together remain...plus the fact that Harry is moving into his late twenties, a time when it might be wise to start slowing things down and settling down with his former blond girlfriend Chelsy Davy or any of the other numerous blond, sexy women with whom he is so frequently photographed, but always with Skippy and Bidwell lurking in the background, waiting for their turn to bond further with Harry in the hot tub once the nubile girls have all passed out or moved on.

Whatever fair female is chosen to take that walk down the aisle with Harry, be wary. Be warned. Maybe there would be three or even four of them in that marriage, so it will be very crowded.

 

sarahw2by Sarah Whalen 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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