Thursday, 05 May 2016 11:49

Cruz crumbles: Rafael-Oswald outed, Heidi hit, Fiorina falls, Ted tubes

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How does that adage go?
One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter?
One man’s Lee Harvey Oswald associate is another man’s CIA undercover operative?

We may never know the full story behind Ted Cruz’s father, Rafael Bienvenidos Cruz, who was suspected of being in league with Kennedy’s alleged assassin, Lee Harvey Oswald, to hand out “Fair Play for Cuba” pamphlets in New Orleans many moons ago.  Once the story leaked out, Ted Cruz sputtered that Trump was “kooky” and that Rafael was “Elvis,” but he did not deny that the man with Oswald was Rafael Cruz.
And then, before you could spell out “Bay of Pigs” or “Bahia de Cochinos,” Ted Cruz cried out, “No mas!  No mas!”
Well, that last part is not true.  Frankly, I am unsure about whether Ted Cruz speaks Spanish at all, or maybe just enough to cry out, “No mas!  No mas!”  But that was Roberto Duran, a Panamanian, who got clobbered in an infamous boxing match, also many moons ago.
But Ted Cruz did sing his last aria (at least in the current operetta that doubles as our national presidential primary), and the curtain came down on his curious campaign– but not before he smacked his long-suffering wife, Heidi, in the nose and then elbowed her in the face, all the while hugging his now notorious father, Rafael.
All onstage.  All on film.
Wham!  One to Heidi’s pert little nose.  Whack! Another to Heidi’s pretty little face.
Accidentally, unintentionally, not-on-purpose.
You gotta wonder.
The film is burning up the internet. 
But surely, the public is taking things out of context, right?
Ted Cruz would never take his election losses out on his wife, would he?
Heidi has clearly been through a lot.  We all know about Heidi Cruz’s tearful moment when she stood with her head in her hands alongside a busy expressway, and someone reported her as being a person in danger, and the police came by and made a report saying that he agreed that Heidi presented a danger to herself, and perhaps to any hapless motorist whose car she might have jumped out in front of, and this report then made its way into our national consciousness which we popularly refer to as “the news.” 
One might think that Heidi Cruz needed a doctor.  But instead, she got a spin doctor.  Ted Cruz’s advisor, Jason Miller, quickly released a statement: “About a decade ago, when Mrs. Cruz returned from D.C. to Texas and faced a significant professional transition, she experienced a brief bout of depression.  Like millions of Americans, she came through that struggle with prayer, Christian counseling, and the love and support of her husband and family.”
What “significant professional transition” were Cruz’s spin doctors talking about?
Why, Heidi herself was Ruler of the Western Hemisphere!  Yes, for real!  
Or, well, “a” ruler.  Her actual title was “Economic Director for the Western Hemisphere at the National Security Council” under President George H.W. Bush’s protégé, Condoleeza Rice.
But Heidi is a real trooper, in addition to being a Ruler of the Western Hemisphere!  Heidi knows how to keep going, no matter what.  She didn’t even stop waving when, just the other day, Ted Cruz’s running mate, Carly Fiorina, was surely accidentally unintentionally not-on-purpose knocked off a stage in Indiana when Fiorina was working the crowd until the Cruz family snuck up behind her and then, Wham!  Whack!  All of a sudden, Fiorina dropped from sight as she was knocked off the dias.
A mysterious invisible hand.
The fickle finger of fate.
A dark foreshadowing of defeat to come.
Whether Carly’s catapult was instigated by Heidi, or Ted, or even the two little cute kids they relentlessly parade before the media and voters was unclear.
You gotta wonder.
The Cruzes just kept relentlessly waving and waving, as though Carly had never even been there.
All this happened shortly before Heidi accidentally, unintentionally not-on-purpose made a big announcement that Ted, born in Canada, was in fact “an immigrant”– a status that theoretically should disqualify Cruz from running for president. 
Cruz’s nemesis, Donald Trump, made happy hay out of Heidi’s claim about her own husband.  “Heidi Cruz — nice woman,” Trump crowed.  “She said this one: ‘My husband’s an immigrant!’ He’s an immigrant! That’s what I’ve been trying to say!”
Then, just hours after Ted Cruz’s father, Cuban immigrant and former Canadian citizen, Rafael Cruz, was pointed to as allegedly being the man handing out pro-Castro leaflets with Lee Harvey Oswald back in 1963, Cruz (rhymes with “lose”) had to admit defeat in Indiana, and then whacked the former Ruler of the Western Hemisphere in the face and nose while at the same time bear hugging Papa Rafael.
To Heidi’s credit, despite the whacking she took to her face, the former Ruler of the Western Hemisphere bear-hugged right back.
It’s easier to stick the knives in that way, isn’t it?
Accidentally, unintentionally, not-on-purpose.
You gotta wonder!

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