Friday, 06 May 2016 09:27

Ted Cruz outed and those giant sucking sounds of spanking Trump and Hillary, politically

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Ted Cruz outed and those giant sucking sounds of spanking Trump and Hillary, politically

Ted Cruz has finally left the Republican presidential primary’s stage, but not without some famous last words.

And they involve, well, how to put this?

They involve spanking.

As in, hitting your kids, which is what Cruz says he does when his kids say things he doesn’t like.

Things that are...disrespectful to his authority.

Now, we already know that Cruz accidentally unintentionally not-on-purpose hit his wife, Heidi, right in her nose and face just moments after announcing that he was “suspending his campaign”– a euphemism for ending it, withdrawing his candidacy, stanching the blood flow, heading home.

But hitting kids?  

And not just Cruz’s own kids.  Cruz recommends that kids be spanked.  As in noisy, disrespectful 9 or 10 year-olds who obnoxiously say things like, “You suck!”

And say them to Cruz.

The whole thing came up during one of Cruz’s last-chance rallies in Indiana.  The young kid apparently was making some kind of noise.  Cruz then publicly opined into his microphone: “All right, apparently there’s a young man who’s having some problems.”  The kid then again shouted, even more loudly, “You suck!”  

Cruz then replied to his young heckler: “Thank you, son.”

And he could have left it at that.

“Thank you” wasn’t a necessary thing for Cruz to say, but at least it was a polite acknowledgment of the role of voicing opinions as part of the democratic process.

But Cruz did not let it go at that.

Instead, the beleaguered politician who accidentally unintentionally not-on-purpose pushed his intended running mate off the stage and later, accidentally unintentionally not-on-purpose hit his wife in the nose and face kept talking, as Cruz is wont to do:  “Children should actually speak with respect,” he informed the Indiana crowd.  And then, he dragged his arch-foe, Donald Trump, into his battle with a 12 year-old.  “Imagine what a different world it would be if someone told Donald Trump that years ago,” he mused.

Cruz then talked about how he handled dissent in his own “household:” “You know, in my household, when a child behaves that way, they get a spanking.”

He didn’t mention whether that would be a soft, gentle spanking, or a hard, violent spanking.

And it isn’t the first time he’s talked about spanking.

Cruz has told journalists and voters that he spanks his 5-year-old daughter, Catherine, if she “says something she knows to be false.” He then said that voters needed to give Hillary Clinton “a spanking” for allegedly lying about the terrorist attacks on the U.S. Embassy in Benghazi, Libya.

Hillary is an adult, and if she is proved to be lying about her email use or about anything about which she should not lie, certainly more might be done than a metaphorical “spanking.”

How about jail?

I mean, people died in Bengazi.  A “spanking” seems like an odd punishment, even metaphorically.

For someone who claims the truth is so important, though, Cruz doesn’t seem to equate himself in the little lectures on discipline he so freely dispenses.

He may well have been lied to as a child.  Glimmerings of Cruz’s “origins” story, as a child initially abandoned by his Cuban-Canadian father in Canada until Jesus entered his father’s heart in Texas (God’s country, of course), have not yet stood any tests of scrutiny– nor may they ever, now that his presidential bid is derailed.  In his rags-to-riches scenario, Cruz claimed that he was the offspring of a freedom-fighting Cuban, Rafael Cruz, and Eleanor Darragh, his U.S. American wife– even though it may be that Cruz’s mother may have abandoned her U.S. citizenship before he was born, and before the U.S. begrudgingly recognized dual nationality principles.

We don’t know, and nobody’s talking, and Canadian authorities cite privacy laws.

Cruz’s mother is still alive and living in Houston, and she could shed some light if she chose.  But she’s not been made available for unrestricted chat about her son.  So, thus stymied, enterprising journos hunted down Cruz’s mother’s first husband, an affable Texan named Alan Wilson who lives in London (where he once lived with Eleanor).

Oddly, Eleanor used her divorced “married” surname “Wilson” on Ted Cruz’s Canadian birth certificate. And “Ted” isn’t Ted Cruz’s birth name, either.  “Ted” is a name that Rafael Edward Cruz legally picked out for himself when he was 13, and legally changed.

Stranger still, in his own autobiography, Ted Cruz talked about his mother and discussed how she’d been married to Wilson, and that the marriage had collapsed when the Wilson’s son (Ted Cruz’s half-brother) died from “crib death” as an infant in London.

Crib death?  And...a child?

Alan Wilson, located in London, appeared surprised, and denied that he was the biological or legal father of Eleanor’s dead son. And he denied knowing anything about the child’s death.

Uh oh!

Sounds like a spanking coming up– for someone!

When facts are murky, there is sometimes a good reason that benefits someone.

In Ted Cruz’s case, spanking isn’t going to fix it.

But for now, it doesn’t matter much because Cruz is gone from the electoral scene.

But Cruz’s quick exit speaks volumes of the power of Trump in using the truth to cull the political herd.

One wonders whether Democrat presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders, who is pretty transparently what he is– a left-wing, card-carrying Socialist who honeymooned (on at least one of his marriages) in Moscow (and I don’t mean Moscow, Texas, or Moscow, Tennessee, or Moscow, Idaho (the biggest one)) is hanging around and declares that he will be in the election until the last vote is cast because he knows that Trump is just waiting to catch Hillary Clinton in that big, fat lie that will land her right out of the presidential race.

The kind of lie that a spanking won’t fix, even at the polls.

Suppose they had an election, and nobody except an old grey-haired, Wall Street-hating Communist excuse me I mean Socialist ran against Trump?

Now, that’s a spanking for the nation to think about!

Sarah Whalen

sarahw2Sarah Whalen is a university journalism instructor, attorney and author.

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