Wednesday, 11 May 2016 10:50

Jeb! the Presidents George Bushes--not Cruzing with acceptance over Trump thump

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Just when we thought U.S. Texas Senator Ted Cruz was gone, he came back.

Or kinda sorta came back.

Cruz declared that he would re-enter the Republican presidential primary if he “won Nebraska.”

Why Nebraska?

Not that it’s not a really special place, I am sure.

If Cruz were a drinking man, I’d say that saying “Wait until Nebraska” is the booze talking.

But since Cruz isn’t a drinking man, it can only be one thing.

It’s the Bush talking.

And I don’t mean “Bushmill.” 

It’s the Bush talking.  Or Bushes.

As in former U.S. President George W. Bush and his little baby brother, “Jeb!”  I write it that way because that is how baby brother John Edward Bush writes his nickname now– “Jeb!”  With an exclamation mark and all.

It reminds me of how we’d all run inside in the summer when our mother would yell out, “Lunch!”  Or out of the water when, at the beach, our mother would yell out, “Shark!”

Anyway, I didn’t see what the big deal was about Nebraska, except that, once Cruz said the word, we all started watching CNN again to just make sure that Cruz wasn’t coming back, and Trump was still winning.  At first, it was a little confusing because I kept waiting for the Democratic tallies to see whether Hillary was still running against Bernie the Socialist-Who’s-Not-A-Communist and winning.  But then, I remembered that Bernie had already cornered the former-Soviet sympathy vote in Nebraska last week, so, whew!

The way is now clear, or at least, getting clearer.

But the Bushes are really stewing over their little brother and sonny-boy, Jeb!, getting tackled by the new guy with all that blondish hair, and then nobody wanting Jeb! to play on their team.  And in the olden days, the bratty Bush boys would just pick up their football and go home.  “Presidents George H.W. Bush and George W. Bush, and former GOP presidential nominees Mitt Romney and John McCain have all decided not to attend the party's convention in July, an apparent rebuke of Trump,” intoned that paragon of political punditry, “The Hill.”

What sore losers!

These Bushes are the men who were supposed to lead us to victory against the Taliban/Al Qaeda/Isis?

These little bitter Bishmull, I mean, Bushmitt, Bullshmat, ....uhm, I mean, uhm, Bullshuhm..., uhm, geez, why is all this coming out like this?

Bushes!  Bushes!

As in, Jeb!

I wondered if there wasn’t something magical about Nebraska– the way that John Cain’s former running mate, Sarah Palin, used to say, “Alaska”– Aaaaaaah–LAS-Kah!  I wondered if Cruz wasn’t connecting with something like the Jeb! exclamation point, maybe like, “Nehhhh–BRAS–Kah!”

But it’s pretty clear the magic is gone, at least from Ted Cruz.  And Jeb!  Saying or writing “Jeb!” is like waving a magic wand over and over again, but no rabbit pops out of the hat.  Instead, there’s just Donald Trump, dressed like a magician, who’s pulling out photo after photo of Cruz’s father with Lee Harvey Oswald.

Maybe there is something magical, like, “Abbbbb-RAH–ka-daaaaaaaaaaab–RAH!”

But not for Ted Cruz.  And certainly not for Jeb!

The Bushes have never really understood America. Jeb! thought he had it all nailed up from the moment he married a Mexican and had offspring his parents called “the little brown ones.”  Jeb! got as far as becoming governor of Florida, and in a presidential election that will forever disputed, he used his good offices and influence to snatch his older brother W’s election defeat from the jaws of Gore’s victory.  

But this newest thrashing of Jeb! and even Jeb!’s Florida protégé, Marco Rubio and Bush Texas protégé, Ted Cruz, at the polls, is an insult the Bushes have no idea how to handle.

There’s no ambassadorship to China to run to, no becoming head of the CIA, no great cabinet position for future positioning in the sky to be seen.

For the first time in their Ivy League existence, the Bushes are adrift– without a fiefdom over which to rule.

Not even Nebraska will do Jeb!’s bidding!

Now that is revolution!

A hint of the Bushes’ new desperation to remain relevant (if not important) is seen in Jeb!’s niece and W’s daughter, Jenna Bush’s, recent interview of British Prince Harry, wherein Jenna suggested that the Royal start dating her sister, Barbara.  “Listen, she’s available,” Jenna said of Barbara, and then bizarrely started calling the Prince her “brother-in-law, Harry.”

One wonders whether Jenna has been nipping into that bottle of Bushmill, or whether this is just more Bishmull, I mean, Bushmitt, Bullshmat, ....uhm, I mean, uhm, Bullshuhm..., uhm, geez, why is all this coming out like this?

Bushes!  Bushes!

Prince Harry was polite enough about Jenna’s set-up-city moment.  He laughed and suggested, politely but enigmatically, “We can talk maybe off air.”  

Talk about being put on the spot, and in public, before a world-wide audience!

If history is any guide, these kinds of sandbagging never go over well with British Royals.  When Princess Anne and Prince Charles visited U.S President Richard Nixon back in 1970, Nixon tried like heck to hook up Prince Charles to his unmarried daughter, Tricia.  Nixon even went so far as to send Tricia over to Wales to represent the United States at Charles’s official investiture as Prince of Wales.  Years later, Charles would comment derisively on Nixon’s attempt to orchestrate a royal marriage for his daughter.

But the Bushes probably don’t care.  Barbara Bush, as in W’s daughter (and not the matriarch for whom she’s named), is 34 years old and heading into middle age.  Britain already has a problem with one prince married to an anorexic middle-aging long-haired brunette (whom Barbara Bush the Younger in some ways deeply resembles).  Why glom on to another Bushmill, I mean, Bishmull, I mean, Bushmitt, Bullshmat, ....uhm, I mean, uhm, Bullshuhm..., uhm, geez, why is all this coming out like this?

Bushes!  Bushes!

Blame it on Jeb!

Because I guarantee you that this is exactly what Ted Cruz is doing.

Only now, he's spelling it "Ted!"

Last modified on Wednesday, 11 May 2016 11:01
Sarah Whalen

sarahw2Sarah Whalen is a university journalism instructor, attorney and author.

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