our next president has to be a war president because when you’re mad as hell the fisticuffs are not far behind. Donald J. Trump, by far, would be the best war president. He has already announced a trade war with China, a reliable precursor to a shooting war. Our own revolution was started over the issue of British tariffs on American goods and limitations on what we could import, and from where. Economic jingoism leads to more serious disagreements of the type we see, presently, in the rancor over Chinese man-made islands adjacent to sea-lanes used in international commerce. China’s designs cause many to view them as modern day Barbary pirates.
The Middle East hasn’t been able to defend itself in a long time and a reluctant public is tired of endlessly paying for another lose-lose generation of warfare. Wimpy drone strikes against passenger vehicles in Pakistan just aren’t cutting it anymore. Why is it that after we bombed a beaten-up little car carrying the Taliban leader that we allowed the other Taliban leaders and commanders to meet at a known location to choose their next murderous leader? Inquiring minds want to know why the house at which they met wasn’t annihilated. Toast in, toast out. Maybe, the reason was we didn’t want to annoy Pakistan, retirement home of our late archenemy, Bin Laden. Most thinking Americans would say “screw Pakistan.”
We need a new policy towards this region that can’t seem, ever, to get its act together. It’s time to alter geography, something a Great War would accomplish, chop, chop. It happened at Versailles after the First World War, and at Yalta following the Second. The Russians have been doing it all along, by the way, through their entire history. Even the Popes have done it. Start by giving Israel Jerusalem, redraw the rest of the region’s current boundaries, and move everyone else around to fit religious, tribal, and demographic constituencies. They’re doing it themselves, already, so we’d just be accelerating a process already in place.
If Egypt can move great monuments to make way for the Aswan Dam, decades ago, with even more engineering acumen, today, vital landmarks can be relocated, modernly, to suit the demands of people to whom they are sacred. In cases where that is not possible 3D printers can accomplish the same thing through exact replication. This, of course, will take a war, a great one, but it’ll stop the shillyshallying for at least the next sixty, or so, years, after which we can have another war. Objectors, in this part of the world, and their families, can meet new and improved Dronie -McDrone-Faces up close and personal on the road to Damascus.
Mexico, source of agricultural and restaurant workers, in many people’s minds, is distorting our national demographic and illegal immigrants are gobbling up resources that could be used for more productive activities, like war. We need to prove our primacy, once again, in a world that has been feeding at the trough America built through sacrifice and blood. Any complaints by agribusiness that their viability is threatened without cheap labor from Mexico will demonstrate how short-sided this heavily subsided cash cow has become because few areas of the country would be all that disturbed if there were no such workers.
Here’s why. In California, fruits, nuts, and vegetables are so cheap a pound that asparagus, twelve hothouse tomatoes, a heaping box of fresh raspberries or strawberries, five pounds of potatoes, and twenty-four tangerines, each, cost ninety-nine cents at the, appropriately named, Ninety-Nine Cent Stores. The catch is that many of them are grown in Mexico. If Mexico can grow these items, in their homeland, for nothing we can, too. It would take up-funded genetic engineering that increase yields and quality and a similar increase in mechanized farming.
This approach solves the farm labor problem, increases manufacturing jobs, encourages science, and saves welfare and social service spending for people who are here illegally. Producers could still charge what they want but the savings in labor costs, alone, could eliminate the need for farm subsidies leaving more money for war. A wall along the border, combined with appropriate intrusion technology, would show we are serious about keeping freeloaders out and stimulating jobs at home.
Restaurants can get off the dime, too. The cooking networks have piqued an interest in all things cuisine not seen since Dolly Madison. Put it this way, would you rather see your children at McDonald’s or at a five-star restaurant? We’ll do just fine if the back of the house help is American and not foreigners who block the path of citizens to upward mobility in the hospitality industries. Dinning out may cost a little more but the influx of income from job creation under a Trump presidency would make up for that. The health benefits from this would, certainly, result in cost saving by reducing the number of premature deaths and health problems associated with eating out too frequently. In a heightened economic environment restaurants could raise prices without annoying too many people.
Everyone admits the problems facing our population are, primarily, financial. If everyone works and makes more money it won’t matter who is beside you on the assembly line, or in the office. Increased military spending is a great economic stimulus, involving all sectors of the economy. It is, also, patriotic and non-discriminatory. War pulls people together. It transcends regional, racial, religious, and political differences because the nation is focused on winning, above all else, in times of danger. A suspension of habeas corpus may be necessary, but we’re partway there, already, and it’s been done before without destroying the republic.
Who better could accomplish the goal of making us great again, and the world safer for humanity, than Donald J. Trump? If the Chinese want to join the war, on our side, that’s their choice. If they don’t we’ll just stop buying from them, their economy will collapse. and they’ll have to worry about starvation among their people and not war. The Russians, ever cagy, can join in and be rewarded with Manchuria and a few of the new oil protectorates, or stay out and see what they can vulturize in the newly constituted world. Remember, they can be bought off, as Yalta proved.
We advise buying defense industry stocks, now, before the military build-up begins in earnest. Trump has indicated this would be a signature initiative of his administration. By stirring up unease and combative instincts in the public the Donald is acclimating us to an “us versus them” mentality, something that irks young people, but when it comes down to a decision on whether it’s winning or losing even the most ardent protestor wants to be a winner. They live here, after all, and there’s still the letters section of the New York Times. There are, also, jails and no shortage of nose-punchers.
With God on our side there’s nothing we can’t do, for ourselves and the world, and Trump’s just the man to get it done.
Michael Malak is an attorney, writer and photographer. He lives in California
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