Tuesday, 19 July 2016 12:42

Hang all the speech writers, not Melania Trump; She's a stunner

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trump melaniaFirst thing we do, let’s hang all the speech writers.

Or at least, hang the one who wrote Melania Trump’s speech last night.

But not Melania! We love her! She’s a stunner!

Didja see Donald Trump make his appearance last night at the Republican Convention?

And didja see him smooch his wife, Melania?

Vote “Trump” if you want a couple in love back in the White House! Or do we want more of the money-grubbing sex maniac and his frigid, calculating wife and her...uhm...her...”assistant?”

No! We want Donald and Melania! We want there to be healthy, clean, married and procreative sex in the White House!

It may be the very first time.

We really do believe that Donald Trump and Melania are getting it on. He is handsome and manly, and Melania is beautiful and sexy.

We love how Melania says “husband” with that singularly hard, gutteral “h” that is so unfamiliar in English, but so very Eastern European.

She says “MY hhhhusband” in that singularly proudly possessive manner that we haven’t heard in ages– not since Hungarian Eva Gabor moved from Manhattan to “Green Acres” with her “hhhhusband” Eddie Albert and Arnold the Pig– on our television set.

We love how Melania hit the ball out of the park with her speech as though she’d been battering up all her life.

CNN’s political commentators blabbered about how Melania didn’t say enough about how wonderful Trump is, didn’t share little anecdotes, didn’t give us any pillow talky-this and pillow talky-that.

But what poise! What sleekness! What an ability to stand up on those high, high heels!

And that blindingly white dress, with poofy, strange stove-pipe sleeves like chef’s hats.

I don’t want to run out and buy a dress just like it, but I think it’s a million times better than one of Hillary Clinton’s Mao Tse Tung’s goofy pantsuits draped with $58,000 dollars worth of clunky jewelry.

And then, there was Melania’s speech in the evening....

And those allegations that Melania plagiarized her speech in the morning....

Claims that Melania plagiarized from Michelle Obama, of all people!

Who wants to copy from Michelle?

What I did really like was that Melania didn’t wag and point her finger at America like Michelle did. Who needs Michelle’s “I am really the one in charge here” schoolmarmyness anymore?

Maybe Melania just did what lots of great dress designers do all the time– take a classic style, twist it all up, add some poofy, strange stove-pipe sleeves like chef’s hats, and–voila!

A new dress! And yet, still a classic. With a few new twists.

Just ask Chinese Chairman Mao Tse Tung where his drabby pants suit went.

Everyone knows that Hillary Clinton stole it!

But Melania doesn’t need to steal some musty old Chinese autocrat’s pants suite.

Did the plagiarism claims come from Hillary Clinton’s camp? Hillary did similarly accuse Barak Obama in 2008 of plagiarizing speeches from Deval Patrick, Governor of Massachusetts- but Obama breezed on to become the candidate while Hillary fumed.

Patrick denied Clinton’s plagiarism claims: He and Obama “often share ideas about politics, policy and language.”

And then, in 2016, Hilary was accused of plagiarizing from Obama when she gave a speech saying this: “While many of you are working multiple jobs to make ends meet, you see the top 25 hedge fund managers making more than all of America’s kindergarten teachers combined. And, often paying a lower tax rate. “So, you have to wonder: ‘When does my hard work pay off? When does my family get ahead?’”

Just a month earlier, Obama had given a speech at Georgetown University saying: “The top 25 hedge fund managers made more than all the kindergarten teachers in the country. So when I say that, I’m not saying that because I dislike hedge fund managers or I think they’re evil. I’m saying that you’re paying a lower rate than a lot of folks who are making $300,000 a year. You pretty much have more than you’ll ever be able to use and your family will ever be able to use. There’s a fairness issue involved here.”

It’s not a word-for-word lift, but it’s pretty darn close.

What’s more important is that Hillary neglected to add that her son-in-law, Marc Mezvinsky, is one of those same hedge fund managers out-earning kindergarten teachers. And she left out Obama’s “evil” adjective.

Where’s the outrage?

Melania told us much more with her eyes, warm with love, happy to be there for her husband and for her country of choice– America.

Are they sleeping together?

You betcha!

Let’s vote for the Trumps! Let’s vote for love!

And let’s hang all the speech writers. But not Melania.

We love her! She's a stunner!

Last modified on Tuesday, 19 July 2016 13:28
Sarah Whalen

sarahw2Sarah Whalen is a university journalism instructor, attorney and author.

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