Fortunately, it’s not too late to send your own gifts to impress Mr. Trump and improve the economy, at the same time. Because he’s not the President yet, Donald will get to keep this year’s holiday loot. Here are some of the gifts already under the tree:
A trainload of Coal, from the Sierra Club.
A carton of Rocky Road Ice Cream, from the Democratic Party.
A Pinky and the Brain anthology, from the U.N. Secretary General.
Strunk & White’s Elements of Style, from the NEA.
Yoga classes with Madonna, from Hollywood.
A lawn ornament, from the NAACP.
A dozen solar chargers for his cell phones, from Apple.
A Flintlock, from the NRA.
A handwritten letter of apology, from Mitt Romney.
LBJ’s vintage Lockheed Air Force one-half, from Boeing.
A CD of the Wolf of Wall Street, from the American Banking Association.
A Batman vs. Superman comic, from Bernie Sanders.
Finger-paints and Crayolas, from Scotty Baio.
A personally inscribed photo of Alec Baldwin, from the cast of SNL.
The novel Escape from Alcatraz, from Hillary Clinton.
A bunch of sour grapes, from the Bush Family.
A subscription to Playboy, from Billy Bush.
A Keep Out sign, from Sadiq Khan, Mayor of London.
A Welcome sign, from North Korea’s Kim Jong-un.
A TV guest slot to discuss why the media lies, from Dr. Phil.
Crab Apples and ties, from Li Keqiang, Premier of China.
A free exorcism at the Vatican, from Pope Francis.
Legos, from Vicente Fox, former President of Mexico.
Tickets to see the Rockettes, from the cast of Hamilton.
A front door key, from President Obama.
A hot line to its newsroom, from The National Enquirer.
An unabridged copy of the Bill of Rights, from Ruth Bader Ginsberg.
There was, also, a box of Money wrappers from the RNC.
After being caught snooping we were bounced out the back door of the Tower by a burly bellhop, narrowly missing Vladimir Putin’s gift just then being unloaded from a 16 wheeler. A glance through a rip in the wrapping paper revealed it was a bigger than life bronze statue of Donald, in Revolutionary War garb, crossing a freezing Central Park Lake while standing in a rowboat. A big red star illuminated the way.
If you plan on giving a gift to the President-elect it’s advisable to shop for your present on Amazon, because the traffic on Fifth Avenue, lately, is impossible to navigate. Not to rush, but there are only sixteen shopping days left before Christmas.