This was the buzz last Friday when the Duke and Dutchess of Incognito, wearing baseball caps (the favorite and most laughable “disguise” of William’s late mother, Princess Diana), took a local train from their Norfolk estate, Anmer Hall, to their other London estate at Kensington Palace. The two royal capped commuters then make a hurried, covert dash across London’s King’s Cross Station to a parked vehicle that newspapers curiously called “a waiting people carrier” where the royal couple were then whisked away.
“A waiting people carrier?”
As in, “a car?” Or more specifically, "a parked car?"
Call it an “Incognito.”
Although fawning British newspapers crowed that William and Kate looked like “any other couple,” the fact is that both of the ball capped-Cambridges are easy to pick out even in a large British rail commuting crowd.
For one thing, Kate was wearing the same, tight-tight stripper legging jeans that she wears everywhere– minus her trademark wedgie shoes, to be sure, but lots of other women dressing like a streetwalker in tight-tight leggings might find themselves stopped by undercover officers and potential clients in a busy train station, or at least told to move themselves along. But since Kate dresses this hookerish way often, even at semi-official royal events, she was easy to spot.
Even with her baseball cap.
Kate Middleton is the one who looks like an anorexic hooker.
Prince William, likewise. He’s the one who looks like a bespectacled scarecrow.
Although he was wearing the tell-tale black-rimmed spectacles that make Britons wonder how he ever qualified for a competitive job flying “rescue” helicopters, William was easy to recognize in King’s Cross by the way he rolls up his long-sleeved shirts into two-to-three-inch cuffs riding up well above his elbows.
Except for imitators of the Village People, hardly anyone male wears their shirts rolled up that way, but William often does.
Also, both William and Kate are easy to spot because they look exceptionally gaunt.
This is not the same as being “fit.”
It means appearing unhealthily thin.
As in bones sticking out.
Photos snapped during Kate and William’s hurried dash to their “people carrier” show William’s blue jeans hanging loosely about his hips, lashed on with a belt that makes him look a bit like the homeless wraiths Princess Diana so embraced. His shirt similarly simply hangs off his limbs, unattractively, as though he had arrived back in London after spending a few months away in a remote area with little food.
And the perpetual scowls both William and Kate evince whenever they are not on official tours are troubling.
These public frowny faces communicate that William and Kate have no love for their subjects unless they are “on” in their royal roles– and those roles are growing slimmer and slimmer, at a time when they should be becoming enlarged and more stable, given the advanced ages of Queen Elizabeth II and her son, Charles, the Prince of Wales.
For all the fuss about creating a “normal” family life for their only child, Prince George, British newspapers casually reported that William and Kate had been away for over two weeks, while leaving George behind at Kensington Palace.
What’s “normal” about that?
Does decorating the royal digs, placing the pouffy pillows just so, checking out the beveled, bullnose edge of the multiple kitchen countertops, and the like require taking two weeks away from one's infant child?
Even before his marriage to Kate, William moaned and groaned about how much he wanted to be “normal” and live normally, and Princess Diana had also complained that the royal fishbowl made it difficult to create a “normal” family life. But what is “normal” about two well-educated but marginally unemployed adults living off Prince Charles’s largess from the Duchy of Cornwall? What is “normal” about Kate and William leeching millions of pounds from the British taxpayers to “refurbish” an oversized Kensington Palace London apartment with more than two catering-style kitchens? What is “normal” about Kate and William gobbling up even more millions of pounds to “refurbish” a second enormous mansion, Anmer Hall, in Norfolk?
Chirpy, chatty reports of William and Kate demanding costly repaintings of both Anmer and Kensington Palace in shades of super-exclusive beige and eggplant when many British are cooking meals on hot plates and can’t afford to eat an eggplant, let alone paint their walls in that artsy color, fall flat.
The same British people who happily cheered and thronged about London streets while William and Kate, garbed in wedding finery, waved from Buckingham Palace’s balcony, now roll their eyes at the couple’s incognito antics. Ball caps, waiting people carriers, nobody is caring anymore.
What’s “normal” about William and Kate having not one but two virtual palaces, when they barely do any “work” to justify their privileged possession?
St. James’s Palace will have to spin like a rescue helicopter in order to reconfigure a new image for Prince William and Kate Middleton.
For now, just call them Mr. and Mrs. Incognito. Have ballcap, will travel!
But no one cares anymore.