Friday, 09 September 2011 18:56

For Heavens Sake, Corporations Are Not People

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corporations are not people and i have incontrovertible proof.


neocon muckrakers have been pitching the goofy delusion that corporations are actually people. their argument boils down to the idea that people work for corporations so corporations are people. kinda like saying fire trucks are people because people work on them.

and the right wing overboard activist judges holding the supreme court hostage keep on helping to perpetrate the lie for the sake of adherence to a godless political dogma.

well, i’m here to prove once and for all that corporations are not, nor have they ever been, people. and to do it, i’ll use two of the teabag neocon’s favorite weapons, twisted political evangelical crap, and the u.s. constitution. the proof is simple and can be relayed to you with ten simple words:

corporations don’t have souls. and corporations can’t register to vote. 

the neocon/greedfest consortium of evil lurches forward hand in hand with evangelical extremists who want everyone to kneel at their twisted version of a god that worries more about tax breaks for billionaires and corporations than about the wellbeing of our fellow man. so, for a moment, let’s use the evangelicals’ own playbook and see what we find. 

let’s walk together through the pearly gates and see what greets us in heaven. 

why, there’s grandpa and grandma! remember them? he was a coalminer who put food on the table until he lost his job because of a work injury. the mining company wouldn’t pay for his surgery or medicines, and eventually foreclosed on the house he was forced to buy from…the same mining company. they struggled the rest of their days having to decide whether to buy groceries or pain medicine for gramps. rightfully, he received his reward for being a loving father, a great grandfather and a good man who went to church and helped his neighbors. 

and over there, that’s my old school teacher ms. grey. everyone knew that she loved her students and taught us right from wrong. she taught us to care for each other and the importance of education. she taught us that free speech and thought shouldn’t be constrained by bigotry or fear, and that ignorance and selfishness were the enemies of decency. she also loved her partner of 30 years, sarah, a nurse. and yet, there ms. grey sits, enjoying what comes next….. 

but hey, guess who’s missing? guess who i don’t see in heaven? british petroleum, that’s who. or halliburton? where are they? 

oh, wait, they’re still alive and kicking you say? maybe that’s why we don’t see them…but no…because in that case, where’s enron? and where are the other dead and defunct corporations? hello bell telephone? mci? elgin watches and maytag corporation? u.s. rubber? dean witter? e.f. hutton? lehman brothers? salomon brothers? tg&y? 

come to think of it, i haven’t seen any corporations in heaven! what in the name of god gives? 

i guess that means that they must all be in hell, right? 

st. peter overheard my question, strolled over and corrected me: “no, sid, they’re not in hell. they may think they are, but they’re not anywhere. how could they be? they don’t have souls. only people do. and some pets.” 

amazed, i replied, “so does that mean that in heaven we don’t have any divine pizza from papa john’s? or gas for our cars from conoco? or toshiba is proud sponsor of the choir of heavenly angels concert tour 2011? how can that be? how can we get by without corporations in heaven?” 

st. peter smiled that warm fatherly smile of his at me and said quietly, “now that you’re here, you’ll see that you won’t miss them. they’re not people, silly; they’re not even pets. they’re….things.” 

after that revelation and once back to earth, i did some more digging here on the corporeal level, to see if maybe there was some other sane reason why corporations could be people. i told myself that the law of the land must make special allowance for corporations, because neocons and evangelical extremists always wave the bible around in one hand and the u.s. constitution in the other, right?

so i went to their other weapon of choice and found that, in much the same way they twist the bible, when it comes to what’s in the constitution they just make up any crap they want and bleat that the constitution protects it.

can you guess how many times the word “corporation” is in the original constitution or bill of rights in any way related to the phrase “we the people”? none. zero. nada. zilch.

 corporations can’t register to vote. they can’t run for office. they can’t even change a baby’s diaper.  

so, to sum up: corporations are a soulless things without any spiritual basis, or hearts, or lungs, or ribs, etc. for that matter. this isn’t necessarily bad, it just is what it is. like a fire truck is a fire truck, and a cigar is a smoke.

and, in america, people get to vote. a corporation does not get to vote. while they do compensate by throwing hundreds of millions of dollars at candidates and elections, polluting and corrupting true democracy, the bottom line, which corporations love, is that you don’t see their names on any voter registration lists.

not yet, anyway.

 corporations in and of themselves have no consciences, no feelings, no thoughts or desires. they can’t. they’re things.

so, after all the rhetoric and bible thumping and constitution flogging, you reach the bare-boned truth of what’s left.

-sid arroyo

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Sidney Arroyo

Sidney Arroyo is a progressive political activist and consultant who has worked on numerous campaigns in the New Orleans area.

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