Friday, 30 September 2011 15:26

Sex, Tea Party And Hypocrisy

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they are the ugly americans who jeer gay war heroes at huge political events just because they’re gay war heroes. 

they’re the ugly americans who bleat brainlessly and hypocritically about “family values” while ignoring their own sexual hypocrisies and the enormous sexual hypocrisies of those they support. 

 they’re the ugly americans who are moralizing frauds, demanding that their fellow americans be forced to lie about who they are before they can serve their country. 

they are the ugly americans who say they want government out of their lives, but they want to make damn sure the government climbs into our beds…while we’re having all that straight/unmarried/married/gay/lesbian sex! 

they are the ugly americans because when these ugly faces of their movement are revealed to the world, the rest of them decline to stand up and fight the ugliness. instead, they fall silent. 

these people aren’t just ugly, they’re downright creepy. 

who, exactly, are these ugly americans? they are the tea party and the evangelical-cons and neo-cons, and they hate it when i call them teabaggers. i say, if the sack fits…. 

i’ve never seen so many sexually repressed white people in one loud hypocritical mass as in the ranks of the supporters of rick “where do i sign the phony phamily pledge” perry, michelle “pray the gay away” bachmann, newt “the serial adulterer” gingrich, rick “don’t ask don’t tell is really a good thing for the gays” santorum and the rest of the cast, aka the prom decorating committee. 

they even got “moderate” mitt romney to kneel before them and kiss their butts when he signed the phony phamily pledge. there’s a disturbing sexual visual, mitt on his knees kissing that old wrinkly white butt.

i apologize for planting that picture in your heads. i hope it doesn’t scar you the rest of your lives. 

besides their own sexually repressed lives and compulsive need to insert themselves between our bedsheets, i particularly find obscene their own ginormous moral hypocrisy. 

what is it about teabaggers, evangelicals and neocons that make them so resentful of, yet so susceptible to, the freaky-deaky? 

they preach, they pray, they’re on their knees, their eyes roll back, they thrust the bible like a baseball bat, over and over, sweating, heaving, crying out in tongues, determined to out-holy anyone who dares disagree, until, at last, they’re spent, exhausted. then they have a cigarette. 

yet, let the record show that the people they prop up…their false idols… are among the most gigantic sexual hypocrites in the arena. they know these people are frauds, yet pretend like the hypocrisy doesn’t matter.

in short, they lie to themselves. 

nothing good can come from this cocktail of sexual dysfunction and self-delusion. 

let’s just take a look at a brief roll call of heroes of the teabag/evangelical wing of lalaland to see what i’m talking about:

hypocrite: louisiana’s own dave vitter, admitted whoremonger and phony phamily values man outed by a porn magazine.

hypocrite: larry craig, idaho senator who pled guilty to sexual solicitation of a male cop in an airport bathroom, who also voted twice to delete the words “sexual orientation” from federal hate crimes laws.

hypocrite and predator: mark foley, congressman, for sending sexually explicit text messages and emails to teenage boys who served as congressional pages… while chair of the house caucus on exploited and missing children.

hypocrite: ted haggard, leader of the national association of evangelicals and national tv evangelist, for paying male prostitutes and snorting crystal meth while advising neocon lawmakers on how to defeat gay rights legislation.

hypocrite: congressman bob allen of florida, who paid a cop $20 for male sex in a public restroom. at first his defense was that he was scared because the man “was a big black guy”, not realizing he was a cop. so, his defense was that he wasn’t gay, he was just a bigot.

hypocrite: newt gingrich. This teabagger hypocrite led the impeachment of bill clinton’s sex scandal while engaged in an extramarital affair himself. he also went on to deliver divorce papers to his wife while she lay in a hospital bed fighting cancer. a class act and role model for christian politicians everywhere. 

i could go on and on, but you get the point. while writing this piece i did an internet search and on only one page, over 3 dozen such tales of neocon/evangelical/political scandals were available for instant review. imagine if i’d bothered to dig. 

oh yes, there are democratic philanderers and scoundrels as well, to be sure, but the clear difference is that they aren’t moralizing frauds trying to insert a puritanical political agenda between your sheets. 

so, dear sexually uptight teabag nation minions, since you’re so really big on twisting the words and intent of our founding fathers, let me wrap things up with this thought from your own playbook. from the declaration of independence: 

“we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” 

wow. the forefathers said “men…are endowed”! cool, dude.

but more to my point is that pesky thing about our unalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

and in case you don’t get it, let me spell it out for you, teabaggers: the founding fathers and, for that matter the founding mothers, in their infinite wisdom, engaged in all kinds of the same wild crap that all americans do to this very day. sex, all kinds of sex, is as american as cherry pie. 

teabaggers, you don’t get to tell us what we as consenting adults can and can’t do in pursuit of happiness. and you don’t get to say that our fellow americans have to hide who they really are in order to find and realize their american dream. and you don’t get to say that the only acceptable family is your version of one, because yours is overpopulated by hypocrites and frauds. 

and ultimately, your sexual fearmongering about the end of “the family” is astoundingly delusional and i’ll tell you why: because…where do you think gay babies come from???

they come from you! they wouldn’t exist without you! they’re your kids! 

so take your moralizing hypocritical selves into the closet where you want real americans to go, and in that dark place look into your own messed up souls and repeat those most telling words of jesus: let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

the rest of america, the america of our children will be outside that closet waiting for you to join us when you come to your senses.

and i hope you do it in time for that big thanksgiving dinner when all the family gathers around the table, because if you’re not out by then, all the turkey and stuffing will be gone and you’ll have to settle for what’s left.

-sid arroyo

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Sidney Arroyo

Sidney Arroyo is a progressive political activist and consultant who has worked on numerous campaigns in the New Orleans area.

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