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Monday, 27 February 2012 15:42

GOP Presidential Candidates Win Political Oscars

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politicaloscarforget the academy awards, the big contest last night was the political oscars, and what a star-studded occasion it was. of course, several of the nominees declined to walk the red carpet for fear of being labeled communists. still, the cameras popped and flashed and the political stars shone brightly as the winners were announced.  

 the oscar for best special effects was awarded to industrial light and magic for rick santorum, their lifelike yet defective human-simulation mechanical construct who seeks to impregnate all women regardless of their personal beliefs, in "the sperminator". 
best screenplay goes to newt gingrich for his re-writing of history regarding his hundreds of ethics charges in congress and his acts of serial adultery against his wives in “secrets and lies”. 
best actor in a supporting role is herman cain for his role as a teabagger tool in “slumdog millionaire”. 

best supporting actress award goes to michelle bachmann’s husband, who broke the mold when he prayed the gay away in “brokeback mounting”. 

best foreign language film winner is texas governor rick perry for his short but hysterical role as a presidential candidate that no one could understand but everyone could laugh at in “extremely loud and incredibly dumb”. 

best director goes to the republican national committee, who have done such a great job securing the wonderful cast that embody the republican presidential field of candidates, for “clueless”. 

also winning an oscar this year for best animated feature was former louisiana governor buddy roemer in the locally filmed silent movie “now you see me, well, actually, nobody’s seen me”. 

best actresss went, for the send year in a row, to sarah palin, for her role as an increasing irrelevant footnote in “the girl with the sagging tattoos”. 

best actor goes to mitt romney for his role as a rich vacillating conservative/moderate/liberal hiding huge chunks of wealth in offshore accounts in “moneyballs”. 

and the big award of the night, best movie of the year goes to barak obama for his production of “the bullsh*t artist”, because with a down economy, high unemployment, rising gas prices, international blunders and more, he’s still going to beat the crap out of the republicans. of course this win could also be attributed to the astounding lack of talent of the other nominees. 

for those of you wondering what happened to ron paul, he was nominated in several categories, but didn’t win. he never does. 

and, here’s a great hollywood footnote for you teabaggers out there: did you know that the model for actual oscar statue was, in fact, a mexican immigrant? true!

my congratulations to the political oscar winners, and to the losers, i’ll see you at the after-parties enjoying the left-overs.

-sid arroyo


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Sidney Arroyo

Sidney Arroyo is a progressive political activist and consultant who has worked on numerous campaigns in the New Orleans area.

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