Thursday, 19 April 2012 15:36

US Fundamentalist Taliban Perverts Founding Fathers' America

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santorum binladenit should be stated at the outset that going to church doesn't make you a christian any more than ordering a pizza makes you an italian. the proof of this is the political-evangelical movement, which has suffered major setbacks in recent days, praise jesus.


in the turgid afterbirth of the aborted rick santorum campaign, i think that we must now undertake a better understanding of the delicate emotional condition of many of his supporters, most specifically the american taliban…excuse me, i mean the religious right.


the faux evangelicals went funda-mental, wept for the remains of their fallen flag-bearer, and surrounded the campaign in a prayer circle because savior santorum laid an egg at easter. but unlike our real savior, rick santorum’s personal aspirations of one nation under his repressive version of god are not coming back to life any time soon.


in a move designed to further distress the emotional state of the redneck red states that voted for rick’s brand of medievalism, including all oflouisianaoutside ofnew orleans, he chose to announce his surrender at gettysburg, sight of a previous confederate ass-whipping. you gotta love the irony.


but rick santorum was just a symptom of the larger illness, much like a hairy mole that reveals melanoma.


the most glaring symptoms of funda-mental fatigue are the complete lack of sound reasoning skills, and the endless inconsistency… some would use the clinical term “being batsh*t crazy”… in every one of their political positions. wherever the teabag christians gather some steam they immediately dip into the sacramental wine and get drunk on power. to wit:


they “say” they demand smaller less intrusive government, yet they want government to criminalize what goes on in our bedrooms between consenting adults; there’s nothing more intrusive than that…except that the teavangelicals also want to control everything to do with what goes on within women’s bodies. they want government-backed invasive exams of women and an end to contraception/birth control. they actually argue that contraception “increases” pregnancies, in clinically delusional reasoning that would make george orwell smile.


they “say” that life is sacred, but they demand that their “christian” children be exempt from school bullying laws when taunting, harrassing and abusing gay and lesbian classmates under the despicable disguise of “religious freedom”.


of course, these proponents of such “protection” for good christian youth are in league with the same people who played hide-and-seek with pedophiles for decades; the same people who covered up such atrocities to generations of children and now take political stances on the “sanctity of marriage”.


The funda-mentals’ deep-rooted psychological issues really present themselves like strutting peacocks when “sanctity of marriage” is invoked.


teavangelicals wave bibles and flags and decry anyone’s view of love, sex and marriage other than their own. but in fact, if one bothers to review relevant bible passages they would discover how twisted, dangerous and inhuman following this path truly can be:


in the bible, a bride unable to prove her virginity is to be stoned to death. (genesis 2:24)

in the bible, a man owned all his wife’s property, including her slaves. (genesis 16)

in the bible, a widow is required to marry and sexually submit to her brother in law. (genesis 38:6)

in the bible, a raped virgin must marry her rapist, and the rapist required to pay 50 shekels to her father for “loss of property”. (deuteronomy 22:28-29)

in the bible, virgins taken as spoils of war/slaves were to sexually submit to their new owners. (numbers 31:1-18; deuteronomy 21:11-14)

i didn’t even touch on the arranged marriages, religiously approved concubines, polygamists, and slave on slave action, all bible certified.


so, teabagamerica, let the stonings, rapings, war and sexual slavery be born again, hallelujah. if that isn’t enough to make reasonable minds seek a psychiatrist’s couch, let’s talk about….the…gays!


“ahhhhh! gay marriage! gay marriage! run for the hills, run for your lives!”

it’s called homophobia. that’s the clinical term.

give me a freakin break.


the homophobi-mentalists say lgbt lives are unnatural. the fact is that homosexuality is found in over 450 species on earth…but homophobia is found in only one.

which sounds unnatural to you?


the truth is that we’ve heard the very same arguments used against our lgbt friends, family and loved ones before, and by the same intolerant religious frauds with political agendas.


We heard them when these same funda-mentalists said that allowing black Americans to fight alongside white folk in world war two was an abomination. That, of course, was proven a vicious lie. we heard them when interracial marriage was the manufactured evil that would end civilization. That, of course, was proven a vicious lie. hell, we even heard it hundreds of years ago when catholics and protestants declared left-handed people as being born inherently evil and embodiments of sin. Oh yes, that’s in the bible, too.


in civilized countries includingcanada,belgium,spain, holland, and more, they rightfully laugh at such homophobia. they say, “ ‘gay marriage?’ we just call it ‘marriage’.” anyone seen their civilizations ending? because i haven’t.


as for the bible, well, when it comes to sex, it contains six admonishments to homosexuals, and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals.

but i don’t believe that god hates heterosexuals. i think he just feels that we need far more supervision.


the psychosis known as delusion is in full bloom among evangelicals. when, for example, the topics are science, evolution, being gay, global warming, the big bang, they say they need proof, not theories!  but…when you ask about their version of god, they say “proof? We don’t need proof! that’s why it’s called faith: no proof required!”
as the church lady would say: how conveeeenient.


when it comes to love and marriage, the flock of neocon evangelical sheep follows their political shepherds through a maze of hypocrisy. This behavior is recognized by people with sound minds as “do as i say, not as i do.” in this hall of broken mirrors and vertigo, one can find the faithful on their knees singing the praises of their false prophets, to name just a few:


-newt gingrich, evangelical darling, egotistical serial adulterer, and a cad for cheating on not one, but two wives. given his track record, it can be said that the only way he’ll leave the presidential race is if it gets cancer.


-gop congressman joe walsh, so beloved by the religious right that he was recently awarded a “100% true blue” rating for his “unwavering support for faith, family and freedom” by the evangelical-run family research council. too bad this hypocritical evangelical prophet refuses to pay over $100,000 in back child support. but then again, what else would you expect from the family research council’s tony perkins, who once cut a check to david duke for…what was it…$80,000?


-married family man, televangelist and political player ted haggard, who indulged in a drug-induced sexual orgy of denial and deception over a period of years.


-mr. louisiana family values senator david one-hitter vitter. wants government poking in everyone’s bed sheets except his own. the quintessential example of “do as i say not as i do”. calling david vitter religious is like calling bald a hair color.


you know as well as I do that listing all the sinful evangelical hypocrisy re family values would break the internet, so i’ll just sum up by saying that if god doesn't destroy newt gingrich and david vitter, he owes sodom and gomorrah an apology.


the american taliban fundamentalists also love to talk about the “values of our founding fathers” and dangerously elicit their memory in pushing their sick political agenda. the problem is that their version of american history is a lie.


here’s some of what the founding fathers really said about religion and government:


thomasjefferson, in 1782:

“millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards uniformity. what has been the effect of coercion? to make one half the world fools and the other half hypocrites. to support roguery and error all over the earth.”

It’s as if he were speaking about our funda-mentalist evangelical right wing today.


in 1796 john adams wrote and signed this:
“as the government of the united states of america is not in any sense founded on the christian religion,as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion or tranquility of others, it is declared …that no pretext arising from religious opinions shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between two countries.”


And mr. jefferson, again, in 1799:

“i am for freedom of religion… and against all maneuvers to bring about a legal ascendancy of one sect over another.”


and just to hammer home the ignorance behind the current evangelical religious campaign of fear and historical fabrications, the original constitution approved by the founding fathers in 1789 had only one reference to religion, and this was it: “no religious test shall ever be required as qualification to any office or public trust under theunited states.”

also for the record, the motto of theusa, courtesy of the founding fathers by act of congress in 1782, had no reference to god. it was “e.pluribus unum” (out of many, one). “god” wasn’t placed into our public lives until the now-disgraced mccarthy era witch hunts of the 1950’s, when god was added to our motto, the pledge of allegiance and our paper money.

the fact is that these additions by political hacks and the raging alcoholic senator joe mccarthy would make our real founding fathers cringe.


given these and numerous other documents and historical facts, we can only deduce the following: that the political evangelicals genuinely don’t know crap about real u.s. history; that they know and just choose to lie; or that they’re delusional and live in their own fantasy u.s.a.


the point of it all is that this whole militant fundamentalist american taliban xenophophobic homophobic corporate oligarchy thing just isn't working for me. when exactly did god get sucked into a bigoted political agenda and a trickle-down economic theory? are you guys even aware of the harm you're doing, are you truly delusional and neck-deep in denial, or do you just not care? 

only in teavangelicalamericacan you be pro-death penalty, pro-gay-bashing, pro-subjugation of women, pro-war, pro-nuclear weapons, pro-guns, pro-torture, pro-land mines, and still call yourself pro-life. sorry gang, but my religious outlook just isn’t medieval enough for you.

and no matter how hard you pitch it, i’m not buying your pitch that sex is the most filthy disgusting thing on earth, and you should save it for someone you marry.

or in your cases, have serial affairs with, or multiple hookers, or pedophiles. because that’s just….mental.

the sins of the funda-mental teavangelical movement are numerous and mortal. it’s time for them to change their wicked, unstable ways. they have failed to convince us from their pulpits to follow their prohibitions on contraception, gay rights, economic decency and more. so now, they want government to require all of us to set aside our own guaranteed freedom from government-sanctioned religious interference in our lives. well, screw them, in a non-pedophile-hiding, spanish inquisition kind of way.


the problem is that, in the words of jon stewart, evangelicals have “confused a ‘war on religion’ with not always getting what you want,” just like whining, spoiled brats with daddy issues. so, instead of being born again, why don’t you just…grow up? because guess what?


this is the realamericaof our forefathers, and my favorite part of the bible is not where jesus hands gold to the rich, tells women, the poor, the sick and elderly to suck it up, gives a high-five to the moneychangers and demands to see caesar’s birth certificate.


this is the real america of our forefathers, and everyone has a constitutional right to not obey politico-religious hucksters who oppose human rights, have ties to histories of racism and oppression, and are in fact themselves serial adulterers, drug abusers, thieves and more.


this is the realamericaof our forefathers, where everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. and my belief is that life begins when you get your stinking noses out of other people’s beds.


so, what’s left is that, for their own peace of mind and stability, it is time for the funda-mental politico-evangelicals to repent, to seek help, and to rise from their knees and reject their false idols of neo-con teabaggery. because admitting the truth to your self is therapeutic, and the truth shall set you free.


arroyo-sid arroyo





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Sidney Arroyo

Sidney Arroyo is a progressive political activist and consultant who has worked on numerous campaigns in the New Orleans area.

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