What self-respecting, Ken doll-handsome fellah wants to pop the question when Mommie Dearest is forever lurking about?
But Carole Middleton just can’t seem to help herself. She’s forever showing up, smiling a royal smile, perfecting a royal wave, oozing a psychic projection that is meant to communicate her royalness.
Carole Middleton wants so very much to....belong.
But isn’t Carole’s popping in all the time at Ascot, at Wimbledon, at the Royal Box this and the Royal Carriage that a bit too much like “Where’s Waldo?”
If she briefly disappears from view, it’s only to keep feeding and watering the alleged Bucklebury surrogate, or to make sure that Prince William’s attentions aren’t wandering, and that he knows his family and especially Mommie Dearest know what’s best for him.
With Mommie Dearest shadowing them, Pippa smiles, Nico avoids Carole’s gaze, and the Daily Mirror takes photos of it all.
This past weekend was no exception. Pippa and Nico jetted off to the Carlo V Castle on the waterfront in Monopoli, a town in Puglia, Italy, where Charlie Gilkes, a London club owner and former Etonian school chum of British Princes William and Harry, wed his public relations sweetie and then stood with her aboard on a sailing yacht as paparazzi took photos of everyone except them. Few photos were taken of the bride with the longish German name, Anneke Von Trotha Taylor.
But a zillion came out of Pippa and her Slender Man.
And Mommie Dearest, right alongside them.
That can’t be so great for Anneke.
I mean, isn’t it Anneke’s wedding? Isn’t it the bride’s day?
She seemed to be beautiful, wearing a white damask-looking gown with a bouquet of...something white, but the photo of them was so small that few details were visible.
But the many photos of Pippa and Slender Man and Mommie Dearest, close up, dominated the scene.
Pippa, brazenly bare-shouldered in a magenta-colored top and long, chiffon purple skirt, like an aging Prom date, looked much shorter next to Nico. Her hair fell flat, and seems darker than usual. Nico put on his Ray Bans, and Carole carried a wrap that looked like cashmere.
But....what’s Carole DOING there?
Isn’t it bad enough that Pippa and Slender Man showed up and stole all the limelight from the bride?
And the bride’s scowl may have more to do with what the Mail delicately called the groom’s “closeness” to Pippa, who apparently “went on a series of dates” with the groom in 2010.
What’s “a series of dates?” How does that work, exactly?
Does that mean that they slept together?
Eeeuuuuwww! How is this proper wedding talk?
All that “closeness” and “series of dates” between Pippa and the groom are not words that any bride wants to see in the newspaper about her big day.
In olden days, an old girlfriend or boyfriend would do the decorous thing and RSVP their regrets and, if the memories were fond, would generously contribute to the china or the silver pattern, and life would go on.
But in Carole Middleton’s and Pippa’s case, the implication is that status is gained by showing up on the bride’s big day.
Is any of this remotely tasteful or decorous?
And Carole popping up alongside Pippa and her cagey beau is just plain...creepy.
We’re betting that Pippa and Nico and Carole and Donna and James (who were also nuptialling in Monopoli) just can’t let each other go.
Princess Diana once famously said, “There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.”
It’s unlikely that the Middletons will stop at three.