Thursday, 02 October 2014 19:52

Kate Middleton, Queen Elizabeth want Camilla out?

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What IS it with “The Globe?”

That’s the tabloid that is always saying that Prince Charles is going to divorce Camilla, or that the Queen is ordering Charles to divorce Camilla, or that Kate Middleton is making the Queen order Charles to divorce Camilla.


According to the Globe and its online echo, “Celeb Dirty Laundry,” the Queen is offering Charles’s second wife, Camilla, $60 million dollars to call it quits with the heir to the throne.


I mean, why would Camilla take a measly $60 million dollars NOW, when barely three months ago, The Globe claimed that Camilla was expecting to receive $350 million?

And we all know that $60 million dollars can’t buy what it used to.

No sirrrrrrrreeee!

And $350 million dollars also may not buy what it used to, but it does buy a whole lot more of what it used to.

The Globe and Celeb Dirty Laundry further howled that Kate Middleton was getting Camilla “banned” from the country, and shrieked at her that Camilla was “not part of her family.”

But maybe Kate was just saying that Camilla isn’t part of the Middleton family, which is true enough.

Supposedly, the Queen and Kate want to send Camilla into exile.

Or buy her an island.


Who writes this stuff?

Meanwhile, if a picture speaks a thousand words, Prince Charles and Camilla appeared together at the funeral of their dear friend, Deborah, the Duchess Dowager of Devonshire (and I challenge you to say that three times, fast). They both seemed sad and subdued, but still very married.

The dearly departed Duchess Dowager of Devonshire (called “Debo” by her nearest and dearest) must have been quite a splendid person.

Hundreds of villagers and virtually all of her staffers lined the roadway from the church to the cemetery. Admirers sitting outside in rainy weather watched her modest funeral on big outdoor television screens. Her coffin was a modest wicker one, wreathed in holly and born on the shoulders of gentlemen who seemed genuinely mourning the loss of her.

The late Dowager Duchess was a huge fan of Elvis Presely, and visited Graceland three times.

It is difficult to think of her as one of the notorious Mitford sisters, whose affiliation with Hitler and fascism has long filled many a best-selling biography. But Debo was much younger than her storm-trooping siblings, Unity (who was infatuated with Hitler, shot herself in the head when he declared war, and ended up in one of Hitler’s personal German hospitals) and Diana (who married the card-carrying, goose-stepping, anti-Semitic, armband-wearing fascist, Oswald Mosely. Diana and Oswald were imprisoned for several years following Hitler’s defeat, albeit in a comfortable cottage house on the prison grounds, with other prisoners acting as their servants.

And Debo, the nicest of this hair-raising family, married a nice guy, Cavendish, who was not expected to inherit the vast estate, but did so, after his older brother died.

For Debo, it was all uphill from there.

And proving that nice people do finish last, Debo outlived them all. Until just now.

And there, in the background among the moss-covered tombstones and alongside the Duchess of Cornwall, was Camilla’s former husband, Andrew Parker-Bowles, who did divorce Camilla and remarry her best friend, Rosemary, after the late Princess Diana went public with Charles and Camilla’s adultery.

But sadly, Rosemary passed away. So now, Parker-Andrew Bowles is a widower, and still a good friend of Camilla and Charles.

As Diana said of Charles’s adultery with Camilla, “There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.”

And indeed, it looks as though there still might be a cosy threesome in Prince Charles’s marriage.

But perhaps it is just the civilized friendship that has lasted all their lives– all three of their lives, and transcends squabbles and divorces and certainly will last longer than Kate Middleton’s most recent rumored tantrum.

But if it doesn’t, Camilla should definitely hold out for the $350 million dollars.

And the island, too!

Debo would surely want her to have all that.

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