Saturday, 01 November 2014 18:25

Hillary Clinton is ruthless, Andy Griffith is dead, but Camilla on cocaine? No way

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kate-camilla4While shopping in the pharmacy the other day, I was transfixed by “The Globe’s” most recent issue which has a crazed, cross-eyed “ruthless!” Hillary Clinton on the cover, underneath which I just learned that Andy Griffith’s death mystery has been solved, which was sad news for me because I hadn’t realized that the beloved actor was dead.


So, don’t say that you don’t learn anything from reading The Globe!

But then, in the far-left-hand corner, a photo of Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, shrieks the mini-headline, “Camilla Caught in Drug Scandal!”

How crazy is that?

I was just reeling from the sad news about Andy Griffith’s death and his secret grave and wondering why his widow buried him four hours after he died, and wondering why Hillary Clinton being “ruthless” was genuinely news, but the idea that Camilla would be using cocaine in Buckingham Palace seems, well, kinda odd.

It’s not like her, I don’t think.

Now, the parts about Camilla partaking in the odd tipple I do believe because there are plentiful pics of the Duchess quaffing ales and wines and brandies and nips of this and that Scottish remedy.

And I believe that Camilla smokes because lots of witnesses have reported on that.

But cocaine?

Just because cocaine traces were found at Buckingham Palace doesn’t mean that it was left behind by Camilla, does it?

I mean, Camilla doesn’t live or work in Buckingham Palace, I don’t think.  She and Charles have digs in St. James’s Palace, right?

Buckingham Palace is where Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip live, when they aren’t whooping it up at Balmoral in Scotland, or fleeing to Windsor Castle to peek out at the droves of tourists milling about.  But Buckingham Palace is also a great, big government office where all kinds of folks scurry about, guys with big black furry hats pace back and forth, corgis run around, loonies sometimes find their way inside to the Queen’s bedroom and smoke ciggies until the royal police protection officers return from their potty breaks, and tourists walk around, and heads of state come for all kinds of formal, palace-like events, and something like a thousand servants....well, serve.

And there’s cocaine in there?


I am shocked, SHOCKED, to find out that there is gambling going on here!

Err....I mean, cocaine use.

Is Sarah Ferguson still living there?

Now, let me be clear that I totally disapprove of cocaine use, except by Sherlock Holmes, whom I forgive, but only Sherlock Holmes.  Everyone else must STOP using cocaine!

And I was shocked, SHOCKED, to find out that one of my favorite actors, Steven Fry, has allegedly admitted he’d snorted cocaine in Buckingham Palace.

And I was just blinking because, at first, I thought that this all might have something to do with U.S. Vice President Joseph Biden’s forty-something son, Hunter, who recently was bounced out of the U.S. Navy when he tested positive for cocaine use.  I mean, it was only the Navy Reserves, but still. 

And then there is the Queen’s own racehorse, Estimate, who had to surrender his Ascot ribbons because he was caught using morphine.

But Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall?

It’s so unlikely to be true.

It’s true that Camilla’s son, Tom (with her first husband, Andrew Parker Bowles), got caught with his nose in the powder.  And Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, the daughter of close friends of Prince Charles’s, literally lost her nose over it.  

At least, her original nose.  

But thankfully, all of this was explained to us by the erstwhile “son of a judge” who described lines of cocaine being passed around all over London, by almost everyone, like after-dinner mints.,2763,207412,00.html

And there were persistent rumors after Princess Diana’s death that her purse, retrieved from the Alma Tunnel crash car, was found to contain cocaine.  Dodi, her lover at the time, was said to have been addicted to cocaine.

But Camilla?

Come on!

Other Royal Family members may or may not use cocaine, but there are plenty of photos showing them looking fairly knackered on something other than alcohol.  I won’t indicate them here, but you know where to find them.

Meanwhile, I’ve got some catching up reading to do about Andy Griffith’s grave, and Hillary Clinton’s ambition– all of which have the ring of truth to them.

But Camilla on cocaine?

Come on!


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