Thursday, 06 November 2014 23:49

Pippa Middleton NBC Today Show gig opens Kate, William, Queen to royal flush

Written by
Rate this item
(0 votes)

pippaNow it all makes sense.

All the newspapers shooting hundreds of pics of Pippa Middleton.

Pippa wearing a purple skirt. Pippa wearing boots. Pippa frowning. Pippa sipping a cappucino. Pippa looking anxious. Pippa gripping Nico Jackson’s hand like he’s an apprehended felon and she’s a tin-star-carrying U.S. Marshall. Pippa, Pippa, Pippa!

All those years of bogus reports from “sources close to the Royal Family.”

Who’s that “close source?”

We used to think that it was Carole, nipping into the gin and playing with the phone.

Check out the imaginative “reenactment” of those celebratory moments.

Just be careful when you click on the pic!

You may get a little too much of Carole’s busty doppelganger.

Carole, Michael and Pippa Middleton getting on the EasyJet in Scotland last week, supposedly jetting back to London from a “holiday” of animal killing.

And then, following a quickie walkaround in various outfits, Kate Middleton and Prince William heading up to Balmoral, ostensibly on a “vacation.”,,20395222_20867981,00.html.



Who, exactly, goes to “vacation” in Scotland in November, when it’s cold and raining? Well, some people do, but not beachy people like Willy and Waity.

And then, the ridiculous commentary that Kate and William will partake of Scotland’s wonderful outdoors enjoyments.


Or is this just more blather from that “close Royal insider?”

Would that be Pippa, practicing?

Just check out the British celebrity mag where Pippa is in the lower left corner saying, “Kate and I are close.”


It’s like “Tiger Beat” for Willy and Waity’s fans!

But how is it that Willy and Waity are heading up to Scotland for the sports and great outdoors? Wasn’t Kate just recently at death’s door from that possibly-fatal pregnancy rampant vomiting disease?

Ahhhh....relentless vomiting.

Just the thing a dip in a freezing loch will cure!

And then, think about all those recent, escalating ridiculous rumors that Prince Charles will not inherit the throne upon Queen Elizabeth’s death. Unless Charles predeceases Her Majesty or is caught in bed with a live boy or a dead girl, as Louisiana’s infamous yet much-beloved disgraced former governor, Edwin Edwards, once quipped, Charles will ascend.

It’s as sure a thing as death and taxes. Unless you live in Monaco, where there is only the death part.

Anyway, back to Pippa Middleton, and why all this suddenly makes sense.

Newspapers have recently reported that Pippa Middleton has a new job.

Yes! In addition to her writing career, which hovered between unintentionally laughable (the horrid cookbook, “Celebrate!”) and then the revolting egg roll recipes in Waitrose, and then those idiotic Vanity Fair pieces about British this-and-that, and whatever else Pippa was doing for money, like maybe posing with dwarves in livery and drag queens in Louis XIV wigs, and driving in cars with guys pointing very realistic-looking handguns at people, Pippa is now going to be an NBC, uhm....let me be sure to get this right.;

A correspondent?

A commentator?

There are real, trained people who do those jobs. So let’s try again....

A blabbermouth?

A source close to the Royal Family?

Maybe all of the above. And for this, NBC is rumored to be paying Pippa something close to what she got for her ridiculous cookbook.
Over time, and assuming that all goes well.

Is Pippa running out of money?

The talk is that Pippa’s salary will be something along the lines of what NBC paid Chelsea Clinton– about $600,000. Professionals at NBC were so aghast and howled so long and hard at the flagrant indignity, injustice, and unfairness of such world-leader nepotism that Chelsea is reported to have recently caved in, cleaned out her NBC desk, and moved along, motherhood beckoning and all. “Chelsea Clinton to Leave Well-Paid NBC News Job,” announced the always-so-polite grey lady, the New York Times.

“Chelsea Clinton leaving her unbelievably cushy fake job at NBC!” hissed New York Magazine.

Will the brickbats with Pippa’s name on them start coming fast and furious?

But Pippa’s just getting started.

What will it mean?

There is little doubt that Pippa will be talking to NBC and the television-watching world about what her famous sister, Kate Middleton, and brother-in-law, Prince William, and those close to them are doing.

It’s possible that Pippa has proved herself valuable to the networks by serving as the “source close to the Royal Family” for the past year or so. And now that Matt Lauer is so smitten with her, Pippa has been allowed to come in out of the cold.


It’s actually a lot warmer in New York City, where Pippa has been rumored to be looking into living for the past year or so.

So... has the plan to tell all for big bucks on NBC been in the works all along?

It sure looks that way.

Mostly, though, the infamous married ladies’ man that balding Lauer is rumored to be may simply like the fact that HE looks younger while sitting next to the Always a Bridesmaid Brown One.

And Lauer has recently been socked with some mud-flinging bad publicity regarding his alleged mistreatment of his former-model wife, who filed some really fascinating and detailed divorce papers against him back in 2006 that have only just now seen the light of day.

Maybe chatting with the Brown One will make Lauer, accused of “endangering” his wife’s “physical and mental well-being,” look nice enough to witch the channel back.

Conveniently, Pippa bicycled her way around parts of North America this past June, and then, back in London, took in an interview with Matt Lauer, who seemed bedazzled by his subject. “She really is [lovely],” Lauer gushed about Pippa. “She’s so incredibly grounded.”


Does being “incredibly grounded” include having a regular job?

Does it include living apart from your mommy and daddy, and not banking at the mommy and daddy bank?

Except now, the NBC Bank will be servicing Pippa’s accounts.

Buckingham Palace is said to be “furious.” The Queen is believed to be “unamused.”

Boy! If Her Majesty is angry now, just wait until she sees that blurry photo of Pippa planting a big one on the wizened cheek of her flannel-shirted dance partner in Wyoming!

Pippa was the belle of the old-timey geezers’ ball, although she really needs to master that two-step.

We can all mock Her Majesty’s concern as just royal fuddyduddery, but in fact, the courtiers who run the road show that is Britain’s Royal Family can smell the danger that Pippa the pundit represents to the whole institution.

And danger of Pippa on television?

It’s exponential.

What will Kate, who’s been obviously separated from William for a month or more, confide to her sister? What slip of the tongue by Prince William will wend its way into the airwaves, and beyond? How will all this happen?

What another dead nurse materializes? Will Pippa talk about that?

Will Pippa be ASKED about that?

What are the limits?

Or, for hundreds of thousands of dollars, or even millions of dollars, are there any limits at all?

In her June NBC interview with a sympathetically-clucking Matt Lauer, Pippa pouted that she was victimized by social media “trolls.” She said that she didn’t understand why anyone found her sister’s wedding important. That to her, it was just “a family wedding.”


Pippa’s on another planet. One with a tippled-up orbit. A Royal Wedding is in fact nothing short of an act of State, a merging of social and power bases, a setting of a future course for ship of fate that has sailed the seas for centuries.

Time to batten down the hatches!

Pirate Pippa is coming aboard!

Pippa’ first “work” for NBC is said to be that geezer hotel “hoe-down” in Wyoming, wherein Pippa, in skin-tight skinny jeans, is filmed dancing with suitably cowboy-booted and cowboy-hatted cowboys, drinking the hard stuff at the bar, and shaking her famous booty all about.

Isn’t that kinds like what Pippa’s sister did in order to lasso the Royal Family’s most eligible bachelor, William? Go to bars, drink the hard stuff, shake her booty back and forth?

This may be why Pippa and Carole and Mike Middleton were all in Scotland, and the Queen was not, two weeks ago. The courtiers were likely meeting with the Mids and charting the course, or trying to. Kate and William’s visit followed shortly thereafter.

What will follow now?

This time, and in this particular marriage, the Queen is putting nothing to paper, and saying nothing herself. Her Majesty is a quick study with the experience of the Princess Diana years behind her. Letters from her or Prince Philip, or Prince Charles, that could end up as Exhibit A in an inquest down the road will never, ever be written again. From now on, everything will be an oral warning, but made crystal clear by courtiers who are very good at that.

There may be little that the Crown can do to halt a private citizen from endangering her Royal sister’s future, and that of her increasingly unpopular brother-in-law, Willliam.

Or maybe not.

But at least now, it all makes sense.

Bayoubuzz Staff

This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Dead Pelican

Optimized-DeadPelican2 1 1