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Wednesday, 04 March 2015 15:17

Pregnant pausing over Kate Middleton's or Milla Jovovich's baby bumps

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kate-middleton-hatWant to see a lady who’s really eight months’ pregnant?

Take a look at Milla Jovovich, who waddled around in sensible flat shoes, support hose, and a very attractive mumu that left nothing to the imagination.

No question that Milla is pregnant!

I mean, she’d have to stuff at least ten sweaters down her front to have a baby bump like that.

Now, take a gander at Kate Middleton, wife of Prince William, heir to the heir of the British throne, who’s also allegedly eight months’ pregnant:

Which one has a baby in that bump?

Which one has a sweater stuffed down the front of her dress?

And check out Kate Middleton’s high-high heels.

Compare them with Milla’s sensible flats.

Which one has a baby in that bump?

Which one has a sweater stuffed down the front of her dress?

But the Middletons are so skilled at creating images.

First, there were those fur hats, meant to transform Kate, Pippa and Carole into members of the doomed British-Russian Royal Family:

Then James Middleton, not being allowed to wear his sister Kate’s dresses anymore, or post naked pics of himself online, grew a beard which, cleverly groomed, made him look eerily like the doomed, last Tsar Nicholas II, whose famous British lookalike cousin was King George V:

Look at Tsar Nicholas II and his cousin, King George V:  

Now, look at commoner James Middleton, who recently griped about how wearying it was to have his sister Kate as his royal relative:

But here is where things get really Freudian and bizzare– Carole Middleton’s bad-boy brother, Gary Goldsmith, has transformed his perfectly nice fourth wife into his sister, Carole.

Don’t believe me?  Take a look!

I get a lot of mail about how the world is ruled by the Illuminati, how the Queen is a reptile, how Prince Philip is a shape-shifting reptile, how Prince Charles talks to plants because he is a reptile, and on and on, and I am willing to ignore a lot of it because, hey, reptiles are God’s creatures, too, and animal rights activists claim that even reptiles have rights on this earth, although where I come from, we trust very few slithering reptiles and usually have a shovel handy to whack its head off, because that is how we like our reptiles in Louisiana.  And I have never personally seen any evidence that humans can shape-shift into reptiles.

But clearly, these photos show that humans CAN shape-shift into Russian Royalty, and also into other people, and a sweater stuffed down the front of a dress miraculously morphs into a living baby, probably blond and blue-eyed, this time, and named “Diana,” and so I have to ask:

Who are these shape-shifting Middletons?

And what do they want?

Today, the Crown of England, and tomorrow....what?

Sarah Whalen

sarahw2Sarah Whalen is a university journalism instructor, attorney and author.

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