Tuesday, 10 March 2015 18:04

Who's The Globe's tattler for Camilla, Phillip black eye pop?

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camilaThat supermarket oracle, “The Globe” made tabloid history this week when it reported, “Drunken Camilla Attacks Charles’ Dad!”

As in, Duchess of Cornwall attacks her father-in-law, Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh and Consort to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.


But calling them “Camilla” and “Charles” and “Dad” is supposed to make it all more homey.

And believable.

If Star Trek’s Dr. Spock actor Leonard Nemoy hadn’t died with some “Secret Agony He Took To Grave,” I might not even have noticed as I stood in the checkout line, because The Globe only ran the “Drunken Camilla” story at the very top of the cover, as a banner.  But because I love Dr. Spock so much and wanted to know all about his “secret agony,” I picked it up.  That is when I saw The Globe’s banner with small photos of Prince Philip, age 93, sporting what helpful the helpful Globe marked with bright yellow arrows indicating a “black eye” and “bloody ear” from blows ostensibly delivered by the Duchess of Cornwall.  http://www.celebdirtylaundry.com/2015/queen-elizabeth-orders-prince-charles-divorce-camilla-parker-bowles-after-drunk-palace-fight-injures-prince-philip/

Elder abuse?  By the Duchess of Cornwall against her royal father-in-law?

Yes, according to The Globe.  “Stunned Palace insiders” who The globe never identifies, said that Prince Philip was clobbered when “boozing” Camilla, 67, inexplicably went to Buckingham Palace to “swig her favorite gin and tonic in a sitting room close to Prince Philip’s office.”  The Globe avers that Camilla was already pretty tanked when she arrived.

Now, why would Camilla head for Prince Philip and Queen Elizabeth’s abode and working office to get snookered on G&Ts when she and Charles already have their own palace, St. James, and their own palatial home at Clarence House (where the late Queen Mother used to live), and can get all the G&Ts they want?

I’m just asking!

In fact, if the Queen Mother enjoyed anything, it was a daily tipple, or two, or threeish.  http://lordsofthedrinks.com/2015/01/18/queen-mother-elizabeth-a-heavy-drinker-who-lived-to-see-101-years/.  The Queen Mother even started her day with a gin and Dubonnet cocktail!  Or two, or threeish.  At what she called “the magic hour” of 6 P.M., she’d then have a martini.

Anyway, if you buy The Globe and actually read it, you then get the details of Camilla’s alleged drunken battering of Prince Philip, which I did, so that you don’t have to.

The Globe says that Camilla, while sitting in the Buckingham Palace study, became a noisy drunk, which seems odd, if someone is drinking alone, in a study.  What’s there to be noisy about in a palace study?  A tavern, yes, but a palace study?  But anyhoo, The Globe says that Prince Philip heard Camilla’s drunken noisiness, and went to investigate.  When he found her getting snookered on G&Ts, The Globe says that Philip ordered Camilla “to leave and return to Clarence House, where she and estranged hubby, [Prince] Charles, 66, live in separate apartments.”

Separate apartments?  Really? 

How can that be?  I mean, this is the adulterous couple of the century, whose sex life was so spectacular that Prince Charles wanted to turn into Camilla’s tampon and live...”in there” well, forever!

Who at The Globe is sourcing this stuff?

So much of it just doesn’t ring true.

But anyhoo, lots of folks, even very horny folks like Prince Charles and Camilla, end up with separate bedrooms, assuming that they can afford them.

If you can’t afford a separate bedroom, someone usually ends up sleeping on the sofa or the air mattress in the snooker room.

But the Royals can afford lots of bedrooms, so it really isn’t so strange that Prince Charles and Camilla have more than one.  I mean, Camilla still smokes, doesn’t she, and isn’t Charles very anti-smoking? So that’s one good reason to have an extra bedroom.  Or maybe it’s the heavy snoring (I won’t say who does that, but it often goes with heavy smoking).  Or maybe it’s the same reason that Prince Charles and Diana had separate bedrooms (she had a LOT of stuffed animals she wouldn’t part with, even in her 30s, and if you sleep with these, they take up a LOT of space),https://www.pinterest.com/pin/7740630582557397/, or why Prince Philip and Queen Elizabeth have separate bedrooms, or why there’s a U.S. President’s bedroom and a First Lady’s bedroom and Lincoln’s bedroom in the White House. http://www.vanityfair.com/style/society/2012/01/queen-elizabeth-201201;  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2071325/Why-Queen-Prince-Philip-separate-bedrooms.html.  

NOTE TO FILE: This 2011 Daily Mail article shows a photo of Prince Philip sporting a black eye.

Build it, and they will come.

Uhm....I mean, well, anyhoo....

This isn’t the first time that the elderly Prince Philip has sported a black eye.  http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/prince-philip-pictured-badly-bruised-eye-1857070.  

And if you didn’t read my “NOTE TO FILE,” then look at this: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2315607/Has-Duking-Prince-Philip-appears-black-eye-presented-Canadas-highest-orders.html.  

And the cut on his ear appears to be from an earlier injury, too. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2925597/The-Queen-brings-burst-colour-wintry-Norfolk-bright-fuchsia-coat-matching-hat-trip-church.html.  

Did Prince Philip take a fall?  Or did Queen Elizabeth’s diamond engagement ring accidentally cut his ear in a moment of royal coital passion?

If it rhymes, we must write it down! 

After all, it was their “Diamond Wedding Anniversary,” was it not?

And Queen Elizabeth’s diamond engagement ring from Philip isn’t just any old pile of diamonds.  THESE diamonds are from Philip’s mother’s family tiara.  http://orderofsplendor.blogspot.com/2012/04/queens-top-10-diamonds-5-her-engagement.html. G

Prince Philip was hospitalized several years ago, and emerged with facial bruising around his eyes.  During the past three years, he’s attended official functions with bruises around his eyes, and he’s claimed that he suffered no injury or fall, but that he “just woke up” with a black eye.  

When a reporter asked about it on an official royal trip to Canada, Philip snapped, “Do I look bloody ill?”  http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/prince-philip-health-scares-how-1262579

And nobody said anything because Philip is notorious for having a bad temper.

Plus, it’s a line that Prince Philip has snapped out before.  http://www.theguardian.com/uk/2008/apr/04/monarchy

But bruising around the eyes can be spontaneous, especially in the elderly.  It can indicate something serious, like a vascular deficit or a malignancy; it might be a reaction to medication, or blowing one’s nose too hard, or throwing up repeatedly. All spontaneous bruising, especially around the eyes, should be tended to by a doctor (I add this, just in case you know someone who has it).

But Prince Philip, at 93, has been periodically photographed with blackened eyes and cuts on his ears.  He’s an active man who’s always felt free to express disapproval and erascibility.  And like many persons his age, and even younger, Philip’s skin has become thin and somewhat fragile.  Cuts and bruises from ordinary activities are not uncommon.  http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/83712/Just-how-ill-is-Philip-state-visit-off-as-he-is-told-to-rest.

Now, I am NOT saying that Camilla didn’t knock down a G&T or two.  How would I know?

What I am saying is that if you buy The Globe, you have to read it carefully when it comes to this story. The photos and captions imply that Camilla throttled the elderly Duke, blackening his right eye and bloodying his right ear.  But The Globe’s story, between the lines, is that Camilla “threw her glass of gin” at Prince Philip, which caused him to lose his balance and fall, striking a chair with his face and ear on the way down, which caused his injuries.

But somehow, this story just doesn’t ring true.

Camilla, says The Globe, became “terrified,” ran back to Clarence House, “hurriedly packed a bag,” and fled to Ray Mill, her country house.

But since Camilla has owned Ray Mill for a long time, why would she first have to go “pack a bag?”  She surely must have lots of her own things there already (unless she’s scooping up the Crown jewels or all those official diamond and ruby necklaces from her Saudi Arabian visits). http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2962503/Duchess-Dazzle-Camilla-s-amassed-treasure-trove-jewels-thanks-Charles-Saudis.html.  I mean, if I were fleeing, that’s what I would take! 

Who is the “Palace source” for this tale of elder abuse and drunkeness by the woman who will soon be Prince Charles’s Princess Consort?

The Globe declares that Queen Elizabeth has now ordered Prince Charles to divorce Camilla, even though it will cost “a cool half-billion dollars.”

“Sources,” says The Globe, although it never identifies these, “say that the Queen is now more determined than ever” to skip over Charles for King and instead crown Prince William and Kate Middleton.  


It doesn’t look that way.  Prince Charles and Camilla are heading out on an official visit to the United States in just a few days, right when a much-anticipated documentary about their big love affair and marriage is about to go viral on televisions around the world, on March 14.  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2961712/A-visit-Mount-Vernon-look-1297-Magna-Carta-meeting-President-Obama-Charles-Camilla-s-plans-month-s-tour-revealed.html.

Is someone trying to derail Prince Charles and Camilla from their destiny?

Who might that be, exactly? 


Prince William, son-in-law of the wiley Carole Middleton, is said to be unhappy and “feeling used” by the documentary, which makes Charles and Camilla look positively monarchical.  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2961567/Prince-Charles-PR-man-angered-William-Harry-claims-BBC-documentary.html.  

Some things in The Globe may be not exactly true, but...truish.  True-ish.  The Globe doesn’t hesitate to publish lots of photos of Camilla imbibing ales, wines, homemade cordials and spirits of the British Isles.  Most of this drinking appears to go with her job as Charles’s princess consort, as when she goes to open Scottish distilleries and county fairs, where she’s often photographed having a bit of this and a nibble of that and a tipple or taste of whatever it is she is offered to wash it down with.  

And unlike the late beloved Princess Diana, Camilla seems able to keep her food down.

And unlike the super-skinny Kate Middleton and all the Middleton women, who only write about food and photograph themselves preparing food, Camilla seems to actually eat food.

What may also be true about The Globe article is that maybe Prince Philip doesn’t like Camilla.  Indeed, Philip really didn’t like Diana, either, especially after she publicly shamed the Royal Family in her ghosted memoirs, “Diana– Her True Story,” and then bashed them again in that searing, eviscerating BBC “Panorama” television interview.

“Philip angry, raging, and unpleasant” is one of many notes made by Diana’s helpful confidants on how the Prince felt about his willful late daughter-in-law.  In Tina Brown’s “The Diana Chronicles,” Diana once “startled” her close friend, Argentinian Roberto Devorik, by sharing “her violent suspicions” that Prince Philip would have her murdered: “‘He hates me.  He really hates me and would like to see me disappear.’  She would wind up dead in a fake accident, she told Devorik.”  http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/9344/Diana-Philip-hates-mehttp://www.vanityfair.com/news/2007/07/diana200707


But is this the same Prince Philip who Diana so affectionately called “Pa,” and who once wrote to his beleaguered daughter-in-law, “I cannot imagine anyone in their right mind leaving you for Camilla.... Charles was silly to risk everything for a man in his position?”  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/columnists/article-228799/PHILIP-A-FATHERS-FURY.html

Family life, royal or not, can get so very complicated!  

Although Charles’s official post-divorce stance was that his beloved Camilla’s place in his life was “non-negotiable,” Prince Philip was said to have advised his son in late 1966 to “clean up the situation after the divorce by ending his relationship with Camilla,” according to Tina Brown.

But as difficult as all this inter-family angst must be, nobody’s ever reported Camilla pulling open her sash window at Highgrove and shrieking out of it to Charles, “F*** OFF!” as Diana frequently did, in front of non-family witnesses, even when things were supposedly good.  https://books.google.com/books?id=HqCsl1CBLPUC&pg=PA295&lpg=PA295&dq=diana+%26+charles+%26+highgrove+%26+%22fuck+off%22&source=bl&ots=9pjr3Z2FPp&sig=eo9m9DFL2LcS-WgjbPBr65iSYas&hl=en&sa=X&ei=Lir_VL6NHoyqyAStqoL4AQ&ved=0CB4Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=diana%20%26%20charles%20%26%20highgrove%20%26%20%22fuck%20off%22&f=false

And at least one time, even Her Majesty unceremoniously told a famous reporter to “F*** OFF!” but he reported that she more regally said, “Go away.”  https://books.google.com/books?id=yUXjPT56C5cC&pg=PA203&lpg=PA203&dq=diana+%26+charles+%26+highgrove+%26+%22fuck+off%22&source=bl&ots=gL3x-fMYjl&sig=odWfZsVNXY7W9JLc0c-CvhS78KA&hl=en&sa=X&ei=Lir_VL6NHoyqyAStqoL4AQ&ved=0CCwQ6AEwAw#v=onepage&q=diana%20%26%20charles%20%26%20highgrove%20%26%20%22fuck%20off%22&f=false

In fact, Charles and Camilla seem quite happy.  

Can all this information be coming from some “Palace source” who wants to make sure that her daughter’s husband becomes queen of something, and sooner rather than later?

Prince William once told his sobbing mother that, when he became king, he would return her royal title, “H.R.H.,” to her.  That was a tender moment between mother and son, but it also presupposed that Prince Charles would not take the throne, or else, would not take it for very long.  If Prince Charles’s life expectancy is anywhere between that of his parents and his maternal grandmother, then Prince William might have had to wait a long time for his turn to be king.

Now, with Charles’s marriage to Camilla appearing, at least publicly, to be successful and happy, and Camilla gaily glittering in big-time triple ruby necklaces and dripping in diamonds, it seems clear who is next in line, and who will take the throne, in due time, when Queen Elizabeth passes on.

My guessing is that it won’t be the pair popularly known as Willy and Waity!

At least, not immediately.

Taking the throne seems to be something about which Carole Middleton and the Middltons’ minions and groupies may have only a dim understanding.  Like Princess Diana before Kate Middleton ever appeared on the scene, being royal is not achieved by being in the news, The Globe, or anything else.  And being the monarch is something entirely different as well.  Taking the throne is not a popularity contest, nor is it regulated by popularity per se.  

British kings have occasionally lost their heads, lost their thrones, lost the faith of their people.  But this doesn’t change what monarchy IS.  “It’s not an office,” wrote Tina Brown of the Crown, “it’s an incarnation.  You don’t run for it and...you don’t run away from it.  You’re born into it and therefore you die in it.”

Is The Globe messing with the laws of the ancient universe?

Or is it someone else, inside the Palace?  

Maybe it’s the King and Queen of Mustique!

Or maybe it’s just someone furiously typing away in Bucklebury.

Sarah Whalen

sarahw2Sarah Whalen is a university journalism instructor, attorney and author.

This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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