Monday, 15 June 2015 18:33

Trooping the Colour dance: Kate Middleton, Willy in, Harry out

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harry-dianaWell, Prince George may not yet know his ABCs, but his parents are teaching him to do at least one thing well– he knows how to wave.

Being that George is being raised almost entirely by his Middleton relatives, perhaps he will grow to believe that this is all a Royal personage need know how to do.


But where does Prince George really belong?

I mean, where does he belong on Buckingham Palace’s balcony?

The photos released by the press show a “glorious and unprecedented four generations” of royals: Her Majesty the Queen Elizabeth II, her eldest son, Prince Charles, who is the heir apparent, Charles’s eldest son by the late Princess Diana, Prince Willliam, and in William’s arms, hugging his father’s heavily bemedalled and beribboned decorated chest, almost two-year-old Prince George. In most photos bandied about, the Queen is smiling, and Kate Middleton is squeezing herself in between Prince William and the Monarch.

But to see the real deal, watch the raw videotape. It shows a different positioning.

What do you see now?

In fact, originally, dashing Prince Harry, who is wearing a uniform that is not merely a courtesy regimental tunic, was standing between Prince Charles and the Queen. But then, suddenly, Prince William appears, bearing the baby whose dark brown locks have been dyed a blindingly bright blonde. William tells his younger brother to “Shove off!” or something, which causes Harry to step back, next to Prince Andrew. And then, both are further moved aside when Prince William tells Waity to move in next to him.

But there’s no room, and Her Majesty the Queen does not move herself to make way for the woman the public mockingly still calls “Waity.”

Nor does the Queen look happy about this jostling about by Prince William, who wants to bring himself and his own heir to the forefront.,,20395222_20930549,00.html.

Queen Elizabeth she no smiley. She no happy face.

Nor should she! Queen Elizabeth is the monarch, and this celebration is all about her official birthday– not about her grandson, or her great-grandson, or Kate Middleton. Monarchs-to-be and Monarchs-who-wannabe need to stand well in the background!

We wonder what those deep, dark circles around Prince William’s eyes mean.

Waity is wearing a costly coat dress that looks like she raided the Queen Mother’s Clarence House attic and found a dusty old housecoat. You can buy something very similar for just $19.95! Or maybe Kate swiped a faded bedspread or perhaps a tea tablecloth from Backstairs’ Billy’s bedroom. Her bright white hat, worn oddly completely turned sideways, looks as though some comic soul has smashed her in the side of the head with a whipped cream pie, and it’s just stuck there.

If you think that I am just being mean and “jealous much,” like the Waity-loving trolls the Birth Truthers call “sugars” say, just take a look at this photo of someone who’s had a whipped cream pie thrown at their heads:;

Now, take a good gander at Waity’s sideways chapeau:

I ask you!

Apart from all the goo on the face of the person who actually had a pie thrown at them, there isn’t a big difference.

Don’t the Royals actually pay people called “dressers” so that they can avoid looking like this?;

And what’s with those pokey white feathers atop Kate’s whipped cream pie hat? The kind that partridges in cartoons have? They look like a white pig’s tail curlicue!

Is she trying to tickle someone tall?

And she failed to have her smile “on.” What a sourpuss pout!

And where are Kate’s gloves?

Prince Charles, whose ill-fated first marriage taught him not to betray an ounce of emotion in public, betrays nothing as his eldest son, the “confidant” of Princess Diana at her most hysterical jostles his younger brother, whom the public has come to truly adore. Prince Charles utters no protest or direction. But cannily, he gives not an inch of ground. Beside him is his elegant, clever second wife, the engaging, warm, sane and well-balanced Countess Camilla, who is the only woman (second to the Queen) wearing a proper hat that actually sits atop her head.

Together, Chaz and Cam appear increasingly regal, increasingly poised and unflappable, and increasingly the face of Great Britain’s new monarchy.

Older and wiser. More regal.

Chaz and Cam aren’t the younger monarchy, but they have knowledge and vitality and a generosity of spirit not at all reflected in the balcony antics of Willy and Waity.

And the new monarchy need not jostle!

Buckingham Palace’s balcony is a big, big place, and there is plenty of room for lots of royals. Just check it out from the golden olden days, before Willy and Waity had to hog their space:

Jostling is for the man the public now mockingly calls “Billy Middleton.”

Instead of a good view of the future king and his “darling wife” Cam to comfort us with their glowing, calming increasing royalness, we end up with William’s bratty display of primogeniture– a fact about which a growing number of Queen Elizabeth’s subjects increasingly care nothing for.

And we just can’t help staring at Prince George’s obviously dyed brassy blonde locks! And his dark brown eyes! And how he’s getting to be a little bit fat. And how his parents just can’t seem to let him out of their mutual grasp, even outdoors.;

Will George’s little feet every be allowed to touch the ground?;

And what about those ever-present Little Lord Fauntleroy short pants? Aren’t his parents worried that he might get chiggers?;

Hmmm.... Maybe they don’t have chiggers in England! But I bet that they do, especially around all those polo ponies and fox-hunting hounds. But maybe they call them something classier. Anyway, the best way not to get them is to put George into “big boy” pants.

Oddly, Queen Elizabeth and the Duke of Edinburgh side-stepped the Willy, Waity and Baby George show, and went to another polo match entirely.

What’s up with that?

Anyway, don’t be fooled by the efforts of the Willy-sycophanitc press!

Here’s the real photo of how Her Majesty felt when William did his best royal shuffle:

Just days ago, Queen Elizabeth knighted Prince Harry, giving him the honor of Knight Commander of the Royal Victorian Order, the Queen’s own personal honor.

What will Willy and Waity do when the crowds one day roar out to that Buckingham Palace Balcony: “We want Prince Harry! We want Prince Harry! Give us Prince Harry!”

What then?

Sarah Whalen

sarahw2Sarah Whalen is a university journalism instructor, attorney and author.

This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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