“Why can’t we be treated like the Middletons?”

It’s a good question—and Thomas Markle, Jr. recently asked it.

You remember Thomas Markle, Jr.. He’s the ginger-haired American fellow who wrote Prince Harry a letter warning him to marry Tom’s half-sister, Meghan Markle, at his peril.

And you may remember Trevor Engelson. He’s the ginger-haired American fellow who used to be married to Meghan Markle. Trevor, a Hollywood producer, married Meghan Markle at his peril after seven years of living together. Following a splashy beach wedding in the pricey Ocho Rios Jamaican resort, Meghan mumbled something about things being too long-distance with her living in Toronto and him living in Los Angeles, sent Trevor back her wedding rings by post, dated some sports figures, filed for divorce…or, wait, was it, filed for divorce and then dated some sports figures?